Distracted by Worldly Clamors

If you read last Fridays post, you'll know that I was in a really slippery place. There were many crisis situations going on and I felt as if I were drowning in all the chaos. Bill W., one of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, talked about this same thing in "Bill's Story" of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous. He called it 'distracted by worldly clamors' and when that happens, our focus moves away from the old HP. I'd like to tell you how things have been resolved.

First of all, it's Allen's fault this week. Everything that has caused anybody stress is his fault. (This process is explained in a post from a few weeks ago.) At an AA meeting last Friday night, he said that he refuses to get upset about what might happen in the future because he figures that the old HP has everything under control. Whatever happens, the old HP must figure that Allen has something to learn from it. Now, Allen has been sober for a little while and he's facing some legal consequences related to anger issues. He said that if he goes to jail it must necessary for him and this time, when he gets out, he won't be going straight to the bar! This will be a first for him. Then he laughed!!

The people that are the closest to me and help me to recover from alcoholism (my foundation in AA) and I find being told what we need to hear, as opposed to what we want to hear, irritating. People that do this: sponsors, other AA members, friends, etc., are called pigs. We decided that calling someone a pig is better than using profanity. It has evolved that earning the title of "Pig" is a badge of honor. Many are actually pleased to be referred to as "Pig". (We are a sick bunch around here.)

Allen has not been sober long enough to be a true pig, but with comments like the one's he made Friday night, he's obviously well on his way! We stuck him with fault for the week instead and hope he learns better than to do that again.

Truth to tell, it was exactly what I needed to jerk me out of stinking thinking and see all my trials and tribulations from a realistic perspective. The thing I thought I was most upset about? That would be the herb garden. In all that was happening, it was the only thing I had any control over so that is what I zeroed in on. That was resolved with talking to my husband and expressing my feelings. How he can handle my making mountains out of mole hills and still love me, I don't know. But I am very grateful. He really is a wonderful husband.

What was really the big thing is concern and fear for my parent's health and I can't do anything to change that. What I can do is rely on the old HP to get me through whatever is to come. I make my life unmanageable when I try to run it myself; when I get distracted by worldly clamors. This is as true for me today as it was when I first walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Step 3 tells me to "....turn OUR will and Our lives over to the care of God..." That means not just mine, but every one's; even my parents'. Rather than running around putting out fires and attempting to cover my tail so that the future is planned and written as completely as I can make it, I need to be still and know that I am not God. I also need to remind myself that the old HP is running the show and won't lead me anywhere He can't go with me. I need to relax and realize that my parents are still alive today and I can enjoy whatever time I'm able to spend with them.

Allen also said that he tries to remember that when he is at his weakest, the old HP is at His strongest. I really needed to be reminded of that, too. Now that I think about it, maybe it needs to be Allen's fault for 2 weeks....

Have a good and sober day.