Another Chance

Today my daughter and I are going to look for a new apartment for her.  She will be here to pick me up in a few moments.  I am going along to help her do the business aspects and, hopefully show her some of the life skills I have learned in recovery.  The life skills I gave her while she was growing up are the attitudes reflective of active alcohol and drug addiction.  I can not change the past.  The best thing I can do to make amends for being a negative, self-centered, absent parent is to show her the things I've learned in recovery.

She rarely shows emotion and tends to get defensive pretty quick.  The defensiveness shows itself as aggression and rudeness.  Since she is an adult, I'm not responsible for her actions.  But I am responsible for offering her a different approach to the stresses of daily life.  I love my daughter dearly and we've battled through many issues to arrive at a true friendship.  Keeping this loving relationship is very important to me.

When I first got to recovery, I tried to purchase my way out of the past.  Giving money to adult children, paying their bills, buying lots of gifts in hopes I could 'pay off' the bad times.  This only compounded the damage that occurred in active addiction.  Not being present while they were growing up and then throwing money at the relationship does not make a productive member of society, which I believe is the job of every parent.

Even though I know purchasing the past is a lousy idea, it remains a trap that I can easily fall into.  Like any parent, I don't want my children to suffer.  But in fixing all their troubles so they don't suffer in the short term, I seem to cause greater struggles in the future.  Probably has to do with the easier softer way I hear talked about in ETA meetings.  Hmmm....

So today, by the grace of God, the fellowship of sober friends in recovery and working/living the twelve-steps with my sponsor, I have another chance to be the parent I want to be.  I also get the opportunity to be the parent my children need.  I hope that I can follow the guidance my Father (old HP) is and has been for me.  He let me make all the mistakes I needed to make and then offered me a different, a better, way of life.  And for this I am truly grateful.

Have a good and sober day.