Phone Calls

When I first got clean and sober, I was told to get a sponsor and do what she told me to do if I wanted to stay clean and sober. So I asked a woman to be my sponsor and the first thing she told me to do was to call her every day. I called her several times and got her voice mail. Each time I left her a message so that she would know that I had called: "Hi you, it's me. I'm calling because you told me to. My phone number is 111-1111." She didn't call me back.

After a few days, I became irritated by this and determined to have a little discussion about phone etiquette with her the next time I saw her at a meeting. I continued to call her each day with the same message (at least one of us was behaving appropriately, I thought smugly). Sure enough I soon saw her at a meeting and, afterward, I brought up the issue.

"You know, I have called you for 5 days in a row and you have not returned my calls." I'm sure that I had on my best disapproval expression. I know that the tone of my voice carried the message of reprimand, although I was prepared to be gracious. Ah, the arrogance of a newcomer is a wonder to behold, don't you think?

Taking a deep breath to continue this little educational experience for my sponsor, she cut me off before I could speak. Looking me straight in the eye, she said:

"Honey, I don't want the sobriety that you have. You want what I have. That means that you will call me. Should you need to speak with me, you leave a message politely asking me to call when it is convenient for me to do so." She smiled sweetly. We had instantly changed roles: I was the student and she was the teacher! And so it has been ever since.

That first lesson was a little harsh, I thought at the time. In fact, I've had many lessons since then that were also a little harsh. Sometimes they sting a little and sometimes they sting a lot. But I'll tell you this: I never go home wondering.

Have a good and sober day.