Frustration

Life still happens when we get clean and sober. Once I accepted that boozing and using were a problem, rather than a solution, I blamed all my problems on boozing and using. Therefore, when I put the substances down I expected life to be wonderful and carefree all the time. This is hardly rational thinking, but I wasn't known for rational thinking back then. Those of you who have an opinion on the way I think today, well, just go ahead and keep those opinions.

Alcoholism and drug addiction certainly caused a lot of problems in my life, but not all of them. Those that alcoholism didn't cause, simply got worse. There is a saying we use in the recovery program ETA: "Nothing is so awful that taking a drink won't make worse." Re-writing a margarine jingle: "Every thing's a lot worse with booze added to it."

The fact that life was still going to be difficult was a big surprise and disappointment to me along with every one else who has made that discovery. A friend of mine, Barbie, who is also in the recovery program ETA, is going through some pretty tough times in her personal life. This is where she makes the discovery that life still happens and it's a pretty big dose of reality. She is fairly new to recovery and she's getting hit by emotions from all sides. Most of us don't handle intense emotion very well, especially in the beginning, and Barbie is no different. She is going to be making some big decisions soon and they are not decisions she ever wanted to make.

Life does that sometimes; throws us a curve ball that we never expected would happen to us. These things happen to other people, we read about the statistics in the newspaper, we hear about this kind of thing, but we are somehow removed from the reality. Maybe immune to tragedy.

Barbie is scared, inexperienced in dealing with something like this, overwhelmed, angry, vulnerable, frustrated, uncertain about the future and wondering if she is somehow at fault. I suspect that she is also afraid that this is her punishment for being an alcoholic. You don't punish someone for being sick, even with the disease of alcoholism, but with all this emotion churning inside Barbie is not thinking rationally. She does have support from the people in ETA, in general, and has established a core group of women that support her, in particular, of which I am one.

I can't make her problems go away. I can't fix her problems, either. Nor can I show her how everything will turn out. But I can help her carry her burdens. I can gently direct her to stay in today when her mind threatens to spin out of control. I can do little things to show her I'm willing to walk beside her through the rough times. I can be extra considerate of her feelings. I can cut her some slack because I know she is having a hard time right now. I can help her to laugh every day. I can refrain from forcing my opinions and advice down her throat. I can pray for her and her family. I can argue with her when she says that she is worthless and can't do anything. I can show and/or tell her that she is valuable to me and others.

The things I can do for my friend who is hurting are not measurable. They are not tangible and they cannot be proven. Nevertheless, they have great value and I will do these things to the best of my ability. Some one has done these things for me when I've hit a rough patch and I stayed sober. I am responsible, because she has reached out her hand for help. I love her and cherish our friendship. The people in ETA taught me how to do this and I thank you.

One more thing that I can do is ask you to pray for her and her family. Her name is not really Barbie but I think the old HP will know who you mean.

Have a good and sober day.