Ramblings

I don't know what today's post is about because the old HP hasn't told me yet. I shall write about whatever comes to mind. I woke up in a fabulous mood today. I've been feeling rather 'distracted by worldly clamors' for the past couple of weeks and have had zero motivation. Zero motivation to do anything and everything. Every thing. Well, I guess I blew some anonymity thing since this blog is ETA, Every Thing Anonymous! Oh goodie!! Breaking rules is one of my favorite things to do. (Perhaps we should open this post with a song from Sound Of Music?)

Seriously, I really have been off kilter lately. I think I know what is causing at least part of it, but some things are between me, my sponsor and the old HP. Last night, after I realized that all 3 of us knew the situation, the old HP and I had a good, honest chat before I went to bed. His grace is the only reason I'm able to do such a thing because I used to think that God only wanted nice, superficial prayers; preferably those I know from childhood and can chant without much thought or feeling. He doesn't get many of those these days.

The people in the recovery program ETA taught me how to have a relationship with the old HP that is honest and frequent. The funny thing is that I prolonged my 'funk', unconsciously, by not pouring my thoughts out to Him. I know better than to do this, but I'm a fast forget-er. Lot's of alcoholics/addicts forget important things like that. I get reminded of that at meetings,and my meeting attendance had fallen to 2 meetings a week.
Apparently, that is not enough for me. It is different for everyone.

Story Problem:
Okay, so, I'm in a funk; I don't tell my sponsor for about 4 weeks or so, I back down on the # of meetings I'm going to, there are worldly clamors with family members, I stop answering the phone (except in the mornings), I stop exercising because of some physical stuff and I lose my close connection to the old HP. How much serenity does the blogger have left? Zero.

How to get my serenity account replenished? I open my mouth to my sponsor and a few trusted friends, I pick up my meeting attendance, I mentally apply WD40 to the troublemakers in the family (WD40 is the key to letting go. I especially like squirting it in the mouth and nose), the phone doesn't ring too much anymore (big surprise! I didn't want to talk to me either), I start gentle exercising and I barf my thoughts and feelings out to the old HP so He can clean it up! Ta-Da! And I know that He still loves me!

Boy, did I sleep good last night! Plus I woke up in a great mood. I've done my exercising and am going to a meeting this morning fully charged. While I'm there I will irritate everybody I see and stock up on serenity. I must build up my serenity account ASAP. In case I ever have another funk, I'm going to need it to fall back on.

I love this program! I love the old HP! I even love my sponsor (just for today and subject to change without notice)!

Have a good and sober day.