Alcohol is a Killer!

"Alcohol is a killer!", is what they told me when I first came into the recovery program ETA and began my own journey of learning to live clean and sober. I hadn't been around too long before someone I'd been to meetings with drank himself to death, so I thought I knew what they were talking about. I had even prayed for my own death during the depths of my addiction so I knew all about it.

Before I sent myself to hell (by boozing and using) I liked doing needlework. I had stitched many beautiful pictures, sayings and prayers. Most of these were given to family members and friends, but a few of them I had kept for myself. As boozing and using assumed greater portions of my life, I no longer found enjoyment in stitching and stopped.

When I started spending a lot of time in ETA meetings, I decided to finish some of the works I had left undone during the years of active addiction. Digging these pieces out, I was appalled at how sloppy they looked. Some of them could be salvaged by tearing out the stitches. Some were so messy they needed to be discarded.

At some point during that first year I rediscovered my love of music. I was surprised to realize I hadn't played music as I puttered about the house in a long time. I had always done that before. I could remember singing along to my favorites. When had I stopped doing that? I didn't remember.

When spring came, I was anxious to be outdoors enjoying the weather. I hadn't ridden a bike in years, but I used to spend quite a bit of time riding so I went looking for my bike. There is was, way in the back of the storage shed. The bike was filthy; the tires were flat. The handle bars were rusty. I knew how that had happened: Who rides a bike when they are so drunk they can barely walk?

Planting flowers in the front yard had been mandatory. It was important to come home to a house that looked welcoming and well cared for. Bright colors splashed around the front door, overflowing their planters, lifted my spirits and brought a smile to my face. There HAD to be flowers during the warmer months! It was practically the law! Everybody knew that. Everybody but a drunk, that is. The attraction of boozing and using became paramount. I came to disregard the flower law, as well as many other laws, before I sobered up.

Alcohol is a killer. The longer I stay clean and sober the more I realize just how deadly alcohol and drugs can be. Not just physical death, but also death of relationships, death of hobbies, death of hope, of growth, ambition, joy, laughter and death of spirit. Then, when all these things were gone, I sold my soul.

The very lucky ones get a second chance. I am one of the very lucky ones. The old HP stepped in and brought me to ETA. My very first meeting brought a flicker of hope that was so foreign a feeling I almost didn't recognize it. Gradually, some of the other things came back to life for me, too. And there are things, particularly some relationships, that are truly dead. Thank You, God, that none of the the deaths I was a part of were physical deaths.

Unlike those first few months of sobriety, today I doubt I know all about the killing abilities of alcohol. I simply pray that all of us know enough about it to keep us sober for another 24 hours.

Have a good and sober day.