Responsibility Statement

Like other 12 step recovery programs, ETA has a Responsibility Statement. It is somewhat similar to a mission statement a corporation might have. The statement for those of us recovering from drug and alcohol addiction through Every Thing Anonymous, or ETA, is:
"I am responsible. Whenever anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of ETA to always be there. And for that, I am responsible."
Isn't that catchy? Some other recovery programs are dedicated to helping only those who reach out for help. ETA is more flexible. I like flexibility. Here are a couple of examples:

I have found this little gem to be especially helpful when I am forced to converse with a jerk who is irritating and/or morbidly stupid. They are the people who can ruffle my feathers simply by existing in the same world as me. After exchanging more than, say, five or six words, I notice I'm becoming agitated. Since my sponsor tells me at least once a week that slapping people is NOT sober behavior, I pick up the spiritual tool contained in the Responsibility Statement and apply it like this.

The jerk is nattering on and on with no sign of stopping so I say to myself, "I am responsible. Whenever anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of ETA to always be there." Then, in my minds eye, the hand of ETA reaches out, closes around their throat and proceeds to throttle them until they shut up. "And for that, I am responsible."

Works like a charm every time! Laughing is stronger than agitation (kind of like the rock, paper, scissors thingy) so, instead of being miffed, I am entertained. If they keep talking, I picture them with their tongue hanging out and their face being all red.

Since ETA is so accommodating, the term "reaches out for help" is defined by the person applying the spiritual tool. I like flexibility. A friend of mine has a bully in the family. Being a bully is a bad thing. (Don't give me any of that political correct or self esteem crap. Bullies are bad.) The bully has been mean to my friend and her family members, causing considerable stress and strife.

Obviously, the bully is crying out for help. I am just here to help (see earlier post on my personal motto). The bully is seeking attention which translates to his having an unmet need. An unmet need is practically the same as begging for help and the Responsibility Statement applies.

Several members of ETA gathered to guide our friend on the best way to to help the bully through use of the Responsibility Statement. If we are going to go there, then, by golly, let's go there.

1. Everybody enjoys making other people laugh. Whenever the bully make a comment have everyone burst out laughing. This will make the bully feel accepted.

2. By yelling, the bully is really saying he needs reassurance and wants someone to pay attention to him. Ask everyone present to stop what they are doing and stare at him. This is a good time to use those binoculars that have been gathering dust ever since they were purchased. Looking the bully over through the binoculars will make him feel extra special.

3. Lightly teasing someone is a way to make them feel part of the clique. The next time the bully follows a guest into every room they enter (under the guise of making sure they don't steal anything), understand that the bully has abandonment issues. Make him feel surrounded with love by having the guest say, "You are following me so closely that, should I stop abruptly, your nose will go into my anus. Are you wanting to brown-nose?" Have them say this loudly so everyone can join in the fun.

4. When the bully get sulky, especially in the afternoon, it is probably because he is tired. Ask everyone to gather round the sofa where you have made the bully comfortable. Have each person tell one of those nursery rhymes that tells what horrors happen to misbehaving kids. Be sure to speak soothingly so that the bully can relax and rest. If the bully is not an alcoholic, offer him a bottle.

5. Should the bully resist embracing change, invite my friends and I over and he can attend one of our 'workshops' on team building.

I love this program. The answer to all of our problems is found in the first word of the first step; we.

Have a good and sober day.