Consequences of Thinking

Several events of this past week required me to spend considerable time thinking. Some of the thinking was about finding solutions, some thoughts were attempts to understand some one's point of view, obviously I spent a bit of time bonding with my inner At'e (Greek mistress of mischief) and some wandering, idle thoughts. The thinking began on Monday and hasn't stopped. Tragically, my sponsor gave me permission to think a few years ago and put no time, content or quality restrictions on my thoughts.

Yesterday, I helped someone do a bit of inventory work. In the recovery program ETA, of which I am a member, helping another alcoholic/drug addict is supposed to be helpful and all members are encouraged to help another. This is touted as a 'good thing'; insures immunity from relapse; everybody wins. Yeah. Right.

Here I am, doing step work while in a contemplative state of mind, resting in the belief that it is not all about me (my sponsor has assured me of this many, many times). After completing the work, the other alcoholic goes home and I decide to do some yard maintenance. It's hot and I quickly work up a sweat. I'm THINKING this is okay, I'm active and sweating so this counts as my exercising for the day.

A buzzer goes off in my head immediately followed by a soft voice. "No it doesn't. You have been telling yourself that all week. The truth is that you haven't done any activity that meets the 'exercise' criteria since Monday."

That's not true, I counter and proceed to list my activities by THINKING of all my accomplishments for the week.

"Short spurts of activity aren't exercise."

Did I ask for an opinion?! No. Go away. I'm busy patting myself on the back for each time I ran back and forth from the garage to the house, from the backyard to the garage, from the house to the yard to the car to go and get an item from the hardware store. See all the running I did?

"...."

I'm not going to discuss it.

"Freedom through discipline."

I said I'm done with this conversation! (A picture of the chocolate ice cream I had the night before comes to mind.) Stop it!

My daughter comes home about then and I get distracted with showering away all the sweat and dirt (from WORKING in the yard, thank you very much) making supper and the usual evening routine.

Before hopping into bed I say my prayers quickly, not giving Anyone (You know who You are) a chance to speak. I fall asleep almost right away. Phew! Got out of that one.

As I do most mornings, I wake up slowly and begin thinking about my plans for the day. Groggy with sleep, I invite the old HP into my meanderings. I'm a fast forgetter. The old HP is not. I've got to write and post the blog then...

"You need to truly exercise. Do it before your day really gets busy or you'll make up some excuse for not being able to do it later."

What I really want to warn you readers about is this: When you innocently fall into a habit of daily thinking, it's really the old HP setting you up to remind you of the principles of recovery and who you are trying to be today. Don't help anybody with 4th step stuff either. It leads to self inventory. I gotta go. It's time to exercise.

Have a good and sober day.
PS: The pool is history.