Man's Will vs. The Old HP's Will

Once upon a time, in a land right around the corner, (I've always wanted to use that line!) I had an incredible misconception of God. This misconception was borne of anger and frustration and was fueled by questions like: Why did everybody else have a relationship with God but, no matter how much I tried, it eluded me? Why would God allow terrible things to happen to people? And by thoughts like: God only loved "good" little boys and girls and I couldn't figure out how to be good. God is love, but it's conditional: you sin, you're out.

Lucky for me I became an alcoholic/drug addict that managed to find sobriety. As I worked the steps of the recovery program ETA (with a sponsor), I was 'encouraged' to establish my own conception of God. (Those of us who have sponsors know why that word is in quotes.)

When those planes crashed into the Twin Towers on 9-11-2001, our country was shocked and devastated. I remember hearing many people ask, "How could God have let this happen?" There was a time when I, too, would have blamed God for allowing such tragedy to occur. Except, by that time, I already had a spiritual connection with the old HP and I was able to understand that it was man's will that caused the destruction through an act of terrorism. Man flew those planes, not the old HP. Man was responsible for all those deaths, not the old HP. Man's hatred of man was demonstrated by that act, not the old HP's hatred of His children.

The old HP gave man free will. What man does with that gift is up to each individual. The old HP refuses to take His gift back, no matter how much havoc we wreak upon each other. There was a time when I used free will to cause destruction, too. Maybe not on the world, but on those who love me the most. I caused a lot of damage in active addiction.

Through a lot of prayers, as well as the local police department, I was able to stop the madness. At first, the prayers came from people who love me because I was too sick and deluded to pray. After beginning to work the steps, I became able to pray for my own sobriety and to ask that the old HP show me how to live the life He has chosen for me and to be the person He wants me to be. I still pray for those things today.

I try not to hate those who cause harm although, I do not condone their actions. I don't encourage them in those types of behavior, either. However, I do pray for those who are too sick and delusional to pray for themselves; those who misuse the gift of free will, those who purposely inflict pain and heartache on other people. I pray for them because, after all, someone did that for me. And for that, I am truly grateful.

Have a good and sober day.