Working/Living Step One

I can't believe what I am about to do!  Also, I can't believe I've had people ask me to do it.  It seems.... presumptuous. Or, perhaps, cocky.  After all, I'm just a plain old alcoholic/drug addict, an active member of ETA, doing the best I can to stay clean and sober and hopefully help others to stay clean and sober in the process.  The old HP and I spent the day together yesterday and I'm fairly certain He wants me to do what I've been asked by other alkies/addicts to do: write about how I work and live the steps of the ETA program.  So!  Today's post is about step one.  I think I'll be posting on all the steps eventually, unless I misunderstood the old HP (which happens more often than I'd like).

Step One:
We admitted we were powerless over everything and that our lives had become unmanageable.
   
1. Who is your "We"?  Make a physical list (pen and paper) of those in recovery that you can call on if there is a crisis.  Write down names and phone numbers and put a copy in your wallet.  Do not simply store them in your phone.  I've known people (me) who have gone swimming with their phone while on vacation and had no way to contact the alkies/addicts that help me stay clean and sober.  You will need to have several names and #'s: If you were going to jump out of a burning building because to stay would kill you, how many do you want to be there to catch you?  1? 4? 10?  You get the idea.  PS: the old HP and your sponsor belong on this list.  You can slide on the old HP's phone number.
Keep this list current and know it will be forever changing.
   
2. What are you really saying "yes" to if you pick up a drink or a drug?  You think you're saying "yes" to a buzz, and you might be, but what else are you saying "yes" to?  These are the things that actually happened, not the things that haven't happened yet.  Boozing and using can always make things worse than we were when we came into recovery.  The things on this list are the things that you never want to repeat; the things that make you cringe with remembering.  We can always rationalize that, since we never went that low before, we won't go there this time, either. Example:  "I never had to sleep under a bridge when I was boozing and using last time.  It won't happen this time, either."  What you put on this list can't be rationalized away.  You can't say "this won't happen", because it did.  This is a tool not a weapon!  If you start to beat yourself up, STOP! and call your sponsor immediately. If you turn it into a weapon, you've lost it as a tool.  Here are some of the things I would really be saying "yes" to:

I am willing to be arrested in front of my husband and child.

I like bologna.  (This is what they served in jail.  I've not eaten bologna since I got clean and sober.)

Slurring my words during a parent teacher conference  is the kind of mom I want to be today.

It is okay for me to throw up in some one's brand new car.

I enjoy peeing my pants in public.

Sideswiping the car going into, and/or out of, the garage makes the car look classy.

There is an exception that can be put on your "yes" list.  When you are in a meeting with someone that has Wet Brain (permanent neurological damage from boozing and using), listen to them carefully.  Notice the misplaced words and choppy sentence structure.  Then say to yourself: "This is my Ghost Of Christmas Future.  I can speak just like that, all I have to do is pick up a drink/drug."  I also have notes written to me by some of those Wet Brains.  And I have obituaries of those I know who went back out and killed themselves.

Have a good and sober day.