Doing the old HP's will

Step 3 of Alcoholics Anonymous states: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as you understand Him. Part of working the twelve step recovery program is to ask your Higher Power to help you do His will throughout each day, instead of your own. And this means that we must have frequent contact with a Higher Power during the day so that we can stay on the path of recovery.

Personally, I think it was a fabulous idea for the old HP (aka God or my Higher Power) to give me free will. I feel that decision was a particularly brilliant move on the old HP's part. An absolute masterstroke! And everything would have been just fine and wonderful except then He messed it up by giving free will to everybody. In my life this causes numerous conflicts and arguments. I am astonished by the number of times that other people don't do as I wish. Or, and this is just a baffling, they neglect to ask my opinion at all! And I have an opinion on just about everything.

To show you just how sick an alcoholic I was when I got into recovery, I believed that giving my will up and doing the old HP's will instead would make me a puppet of sorts. Maybe a robot. I don't know. But I pictured myself going about living on auto-pilot. However, now that I have worked step 3 and (even harder) try to live the principles of step 3, I know that I was wrong. My will gets more of a workout by trying to bend it to conform to the old HP's will than it ever did when I allowed myself to run on self propulsion. I am amazed at the force necessary to turn away from my own wants and follow the old HP. In fact, if my will power had a body it would be bursting with muscles built from resisting my own impulses!

Frequently, I stubbornly refuse to comply with doing what the old HP wants me to do. At least initially. Eventually, I give in out of exhaustion or, perhaps, out of self defense. Because nobody nags like the old HP. Have you noticed this? He is positively relentless! You can't go away. You can't hang up on Him. You can't shut the door in His face. You can't plug your ears. He simply will not stop! Even if He decides to take a break, He has other people start making comments about why your doing whatever it is that He wants you to do is a good idea. Capitulation is inevitable if you ever again want to have peace of mind.

Which is why I started this blog. The old HP has been nagging me for a long time to put some of my sobriety/spirituality experiences in writing and share them with others. So! Here I am, living step 3, having no clue where the old HP is leading me but following along blindly. Because experience has taught me that these mystery trips are always exciting and I can count on the old HP's courage to save me when I step out of my comfort zone.

Have a good sober day.