When I first came to Alcoholics Anonymous I learned that Honesty, Open Mindedness and Willingness were essential if an alcoholic were to stay sober. These three attitudes were indispensable. What I didn't know was that wanting and willingness are not the same thing. That took me a while to understand. I had always thought them synonymous.
Finally, I thought about vegetable soup. When we were kids and my mom would make it for dinner, we kids would wail, "I don't like vegetable soup!" My parents would respond to that by saying: You don't have to like it, you just have to eat it. That was tough to argue with. (My parents were always sneaky like that; making comments that couldn't be argued with. My mom would also make something really yummy for dessert on the nights she made vegetable soup and we couldn't have dessert until we ate our dinner. Maybe we'll talk about that resentment in a later post.)
I got to AA on the honor system: Yes, your honor, I will go to those meetings. I did not want to go to an AA meeting every single day, but it was kind of like vegetable soup. I didn't have to want to, I had to do it. So I went to an AA meeting every single day.
Then I got a sponsor. (She had seemed so sweet and supportive and nice until we started working the steps!) She would make suggestions. If I said that I didn't want to do what she suggested she would tell me that it didn't matter, I had to do it anyway. Dang. She really had seemed kind in the beginning! I couldn't figure out what had happened. Maybe she was in league with the court system?
Back to wanting vs willing. Think about it like this: I do not want to be homeless, so I am willing to give my money to the mortgage company. I don't want my house to be dirty, so I am willing to clean it. I do not want to gain weight, so I am willing to avoid high calorie foods. (OK. Not all the time.) I do not want to have another heart attack, so I am willing to take my medication and exercise. And there are some days that I don't want to practice there principles in all my affairs but I'm not willing to get drunk or become the person that I used to be, so I practice the principles.
There are many slogans in AA. Not one of them says: Think the next right thing. Know the next right thing. Ponder the next right thing. Feel warm and fuzzy about the next right thing. Agree with the next right thing. It says DO the next right thing. And Alcoholics Anonymous is a program of action!
Now, I haven't read every piece of AA literature ever written, but in the literature that I have read I've never seen where we must be ever cheerful about doing what is right. Not one of the steps says we must have constant zest and zeal, be enthusiastic or go around singing while birds and small animals follow us about (think Disney).
Today, I'm willing to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the old HP because I don't want what I had when I was running the show and practicing self will run riot. Speaking of the old HP, I'd better check in.
Have a good and sober day.
Finally, I thought about vegetable soup. When we were kids and my mom would make it for dinner, we kids would wail, "I don't like vegetable soup!" My parents would respond to that by saying: You don't have to like it, you just have to eat it. That was tough to argue with. (My parents were always sneaky like that; making comments that couldn't be argued with. My mom would also make something really yummy for dessert on the nights she made vegetable soup and we couldn't have dessert until we ate our dinner. Maybe we'll talk about that resentment in a later post.)
I got to AA on the honor system: Yes, your honor, I will go to those meetings. I did not want to go to an AA meeting every single day, but it was kind of like vegetable soup. I didn't have to want to, I had to do it. So I went to an AA meeting every single day.
Then I got a sponsor. (She had seemed so sweet and supportive and nice until we started working the steps!) She would make suggestions. If I said that I didn't want to do what she suggested she would tell me that it didn't matter, I had to do it anyway. Dang. She really had seemed kind in the beginning! I couldn't figure out what had happened. Maybe she was in league with the court system?
Back to wanting vs willing. Think about it like this: I do not want to be homeless, so I am willing to give my money to the mortgage company. I don't want my house to be dirty, so I am willing to clean it. I do not want to gain weight, so I am willing to avoid high calorie foods. (OK. Not all the time.) I do not want to have another heart attack, so I am willing to take my medication and exercise. And there are some days that I don't want to practice there principles in all my affairs but I'm not willing to get drunk or become the person that I used to be, so I practice the principles.
There are many slogans in AA. Not one of them says: Think the next right thing. Know the next right thing. Ponder the next right thing. Feel warm and fuzzy about the next right thing. Agree with the next right thing. It says DO the next right thing. And Alcoholics Anonymous is a program of action!
Now, I haven't read every piece of AA literature ever written, but in the literature that I have read I've never seen where we must be ever cheerful about doing what is right. Not one of the steps says we must have constant zest and zeal, be enthusiastic or go around singing while birds and small animals follow us about (think Disney).
Today, I'm willing to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the old HP because I don't want what I had when I was running the show and practicing self will run riot. Speaking of the old HP, I'd better check in.
Have a good and sober day.
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