Sanity

In the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous the second step states:

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

As a sponsor I have guided many people trying to get and stay sober through the steps and have worked the steps with my own sponsor. Usually working the steps involves some sort of written assignment to help the new person understand how to apply them to a sober life. There are many ways to work each step which gives recovering alcoholics some autonomy and many sponsors don't request writing assignments until the fourth step. If I (or my sponsor) is guiding you through the steps you will have written assignments for almost all twelve of them. I expect that we'll cover all the steps quite a number of times and quite a number of different ways in this blog.

But in the second step, we ask our Higher Power (the old HP) for sanity. Through the years I've been sponsoring, I've discovered that many people don't know the meaning of sanity. People know what sanity is not, but rarely has anyone sat down and truly thought about it - and sanity is different for everybody. Yes, I know that there are many of the same threads running through each understanding of sanity, but how I define sanity for me is probably not exactly how you define it for you. I believe there is a personal definition for all.

So when we ask the old HP to restore us to sanity and have no clear idea of what we are asking for, how will we know if He's restored it? In the beginning, when we are trying not to yield to that first drink, it's easy to understand what we are asking for, but as the compulsion to drink fades it might not be so obvious.

As with most other words, sanity can have more than a single definition. For example, let's look at the word Hard. Hard means not soft, but it also means difficult. Some small towns have quite a bit of sediment and minerals in their water and we say it's "hard" water. Same word; different meanings.

Since I'm an alcoholic I know that I'm not sane when I start thinking a drink sounds like a good thing. I've discovered that my definitions of sanity usually speak directly to my defects of character.

One of my character defects is 'people pleasing'. When I find myself trying to arrange a situation that will make everybody involved happy and I become agitated because I can't, I know I will drive myself insane by attempting to succeed when it is simply not possible and I ask the old HP to restore me to sanity.

Having the appropriate amount of emotion invested in any given situation is another definition of sanity for me. When I make a mistake I tend to tell myself that it was such a colossal error that thousands of people (maybe even the entire world!) will be affected by it and know that I was the one at fault. They will probably remember it forever, too. Or if someone hurts my feelings I spend lots of time telling myself that it doesn't matter, even though it does matter and I am upset by it. In both circumstances the amount of emotion I've invested is inappropriate and I must call upon the old HP to set me back on the path of sobriety and sanity.

By looking at me and discovering my thinking patterns I am able to see when I am most likely to experience insane thoughts. By keeping the old HP close and asking Him to restore me to sanity at the first signs of irrational thinking, I reduce the chances of falling back into the insanity of destroying myself.

What is sanity to you?

Have a good and sober day.