Sleeping

This week we will each be writing about something that was difficult to deal with in early sobriety and what we did to overcome the difficulty.

What I remember being one of the difficulties of early sobriety is my inability to sleep for several straight hours. I could nap here and there throughout the day and night, but truly restful sleep eluded me. Looking back, it seems like I didn't sleep for about six weeks, but who knows? Anyway, here are a few tips that I found helpful:

Since I am a drug addict as well as an alcoholic, when I got clean and sober I had a lot of vague body aches during the initial few weeks. I just didn't feel good in general, but there was nothing I could put my finger on exactly. As I laid down in preparation to sleep these little discomforts would crop up and I couldn't help but focus on them. I'd try changing position and that inevitably started the routine of tossing and turning. It was so frustrating that I often ended up in tears. Finally I spoke with some people in Alcoholics Anonymous about my problem and they helped me find solutions. They have been doing that ever since. When I have a problem I can't resolve, I tell somebody in recovery about it and they give me ideas on how to deal with it.

Once I put the drink and drugs down, I lost the insulation I kept between me and the world. Consequently I felt very unprotected and vulnerable. I felt like I was standing on a diving platform at the Olympics. There were all those news cameras beaming my image to every single country on Earth. I was totally naked. I'd never done any diving but experts were going to judge me and their opinion would be shown to the whole population and there was no way out. I had to take the dive. For some reason, this made it difficult for me to sleep. Can you imagine?

I usually fall asleep laying on my side. I put a pillow at my back, a pillow in front for me to hold and a pillow between my legs. I put however many pillows under my head as is comfortable. I also put a few small pillows within easy reach. Then I concentrate on relaxing my body, neck, arms and legs and let them be supported by the pillows. If there is something I'm having trouble with that doesn't have a pillow, I use one of the little pillows that are right there and relax into the pillow. Pillows support and cradle my body so that I can get rid of all tension. Yes, I have a lot of pillows and I have a husband (who is impressed with my pillow collection) but I have a bed big enough for everything.

Then I put a blanket (or 2) over me. The blanket has to be heavy enough that I can feel it's weight. Basically, I'm in a cocoon of pillows and blankets. It's probably the same idea as a receiving blanket for newborns. But that's okay, I finally slept. Which is what allows me to...

Have a good and sober day.