Disconnect

For some unknown reason (although I do know that I am not at fault) I've been feeling somewhat disconnected from the old HP lately.  This happens occasionally.  The distance always seems to go on way too long and always seems to last forever.  I'm not sure this is true or the fact that I feel lost and adrift when these episodes occur and I don't like the feeling so it only seems like forever.  I expect it doesn't really matter.  What does matter is what I can do to change the situation.  Fondling my thoughts and feelings keeps me in the problem.  The solution requires action.  Dang.

This is what I've decided to do.  Spend some time alone with the old HP.  I know myself well enough to know that I have to engage in some mindless task while opening my mind.  Having my hands busy allows me to open my mind wide enough so there will be room in my head for a Visitor.  Otherwise, I get my thoughts running on a treadmill to nowhere and I can't hear what the old HP might be trying to say.

Praise is another thing that works well for me.  Telling the old HP how grateful I am for all He has given me helps me see past the road blocks I build unconsciously.  Gratitude yes, but more than that, too.  It's more like admiring His handiwork; reminding myself how brilliantly the world fits together.  How much in awe I am of His creations.

Oh-oh.  That brings to mind the hazards of focusing on all the things that I do wrong and all the mistakes I've made - not only while I was boozing and using, but also the ones I've made while being clean and sober.  I think that I might have wandered into the jungle of self recrimination.  I know from past experience that the old HP won't follow me there.  However, He will guide me out of that danger and back onto the path to recovery.  All I have to do is call out to Him for help.  "Yoo-Hoo!  I went there again.  Please come save me!"

Another trip up for me is when my prayers become mechanical. (Not maniacal!  That is something else entirely.  The old HP has heard maniacal praying from me upon rare occasion - He listens to those.  Answers them, too!)  I'm talking about when I just repeat the words instead of trying to communicate with Him.  When someone talks at me, I tend to tune them out.  I'm much more likely to respond when I'm talked to.  Go figure.

Well, I have to sign off now.  I've got a lot of things to do.

Have a good and sober day.