When Your Ego Is The Wrong Size

It's Wednesday already!  How the hell did that happen?  I think it probably snuck up on me while I was studying for finals, dealing with out refrigerator breaking down and trying to find a new one (that I like) ASAP, a bladder infection, a touch of the flu and having a swimming pool put in.  Of course, I could be wrong.

In addition to the excitement described above, I've been reading "The Hunger Games" trilogy for the second time. (Who has time to get fresh reading material?)  It is a very good story and much better than the movie but isn't that always the case?  For those of you who are not familiar with it, it's a story of a young girl who becomes the inspiration for, and symbol of, revolution in her futuristic country.  Great concept.  Very well written, too.

The main character is Katniss.  She is 16 or 17 and is a great with a bow and arrow.  She gets plenty of opportunities to display her prowess.  I'm not going to ruin the story line.  She remembers every kindness ever shown to her or her family and feels that each is a debt she must repay.  Somewhat understandable due to the fact that her family is so poor they are practically starving to death.

Katniss ends up making a display of defiance on national TV and the powers that be (government) are less than thrilled.  The whole country is under strict control of the "Capitol" and is getting rather tired of it.  Katniss' antics encourage the country to revolt.  The 'rebels' make her a figurehead and she, reluctantly, accept the position.  That's when her ego goes spiraling out of control.

In the ensuing war people get killed.  And Katniss feels it's her fault that people die.  Cities get bombed.  And Katniss feels that it's her fault.  People are living in extreme circumstances.  And Katniss feels it's her fault.  A couple of her friends get their feelings hurt because she has duties as the mascot for the revolution.  And Katniss feels it's her fault.  The "Capitol" captures people and tortures them.  And Katniss feels it's her fault.  Somebody saves her life.  And Katniss has to figure out a way to pay back the debt; after all, it's her fault she was in danger.  Sigh.

Do we see a pattern developing here?  There is no way one person can be the cause of everything everyone does, especially a 17 year old kid.  I didn't notice this the first time through.  Probably because the story was so good that I zipped through it.  I didn't really take time to stop and savor the words.  And this time one of my pigeons, Barbie, is struggling with taking too much responsibility for everything that has gone 'wrong' in her life so it's probably easier for me to pick up on it this time around.

However!!  This experience has been really good for me to see exactly what they mean when someone says something about getting our ego right sized.  When I was boozing and using I tended to think I was super terrific or the worst possible excuse for a human being.  All or nothing.  Hmm...  With that kind of thinking, you might think I was an alcoholic and/or a drug addict.

Thanks to the old HP, I'm able to see (and learn more about) recovery principles in everyday things, even "The Hunger Games".

Have a good and sober day.