What I Am Really Saying "Yes" To

Ha ha!  Tricked you!  Tricked me, too.  I really thought that I would post on this on Tuesday, but sick a sick grandson got in the way.  I know you are surprised to discover he takes priority.  Anyway, here is the post on the tool I use most often with the pigeons I work the steps with.

When we were still out there boozing and using, most of us did things we would rather not repeat.  These are the things we can't imagine we did while drunk or stoned and would NEVER do clean and sober (as long as we are working the recovery program ETA or some other 12-step recovery program).

These are the things that I put on my "yes" list.  Since I'm fairly skilled at playing mind games and really good at lying to me, I find this to be more helpful than the "yet" list.  The things that I hear in the rooms that I have not done, say, eat out of a dumpster for an example, I might be able to convince myself would not happen.  After all, I wasn't reduced to doing that in my previous drinking career.  Chances are they won't occur if I started drinking/using again.  If I am close to picking up, I believe this type of rationalization and delusion could easily push me over the edge. 

Since I've done steps 4 & 5 (with my sponsor), I know my strengths and weaknesses.  I know what I am capable of, so a "yet" list seals up that possible loop hole for me to slip through.  Literally slip.  In the recovery sense of the word, slip. 

I write down some of the shameful things I have done when boozing and using.  The following list is fiction, in case all you voyeurs  out there were getting excited. (The 5th step does not say; Admitted to God, to ourselves and to the world at large the exact nature of my wrongs!)  The actual list contains only things I have actually done or experienced.

When the madness of addiction is upon you, you need something sharp, something that stings, to pierce the insanity in order for sanity to enter into your thoughts.  Nothing on the list can be vague.  No 'low self esteem' or 'being depressed'; those can be pushed aside to easily. 


I am willing to have my picture in the "County's Most Wanted" section of the local newspaper.
I am willing to go to prison.
Making my mom cry while I watch her do so is a really good time.
It is fine with me if I pee my pants in public.
I am willing to wear matching bracelets (handcuffs).
Throwing up on people is fun.
I am willing to listen to new resident tell me how to stay clean and sober because new resident will    have more clean and sober time than I. 
         This is one of my favorites to use with a pigeon who lives in a halfway house.  There is always 
          a new resident they can't stand.
Sleeping with people I don't know is something I want to do again.
Pawning my grandmother's hutch is less important that getting a buzz.

If I decide to pick up a drink or a drug, I think I'm saying "yes" to a buzz.  And I am saying yes to that, I'm not saying "yes" to just a buzz.  I'm saying yes to repeating all the behaviors on my "yes" list.  Read it before you pick up so that you know what you are really saying "yes" to.

Have a good and sober day.