That Hasn't Happened...Yet

This topic is by request and, although I don't use a "yet" list with the people I sponsor, I am familiar with this tool.  (The tool I use in its place will be in an upcoming post - maybe tomorrow.)  Here is how "yet" works:

When sitting in an ETA meeting, newly recovering alcoholics and addicts tend to hear the depths some alcoholics/addicts have gone in active addiction.  When I was new, my sick little mind would be thinking, "I've not done that.  This is proof that I'm not an alcoholic/addict."  When I got into recovery I had yet to sleep under a bridge, lose my teeth, sell my body, lose my children or spouse.  Somehow, this meant that I wasn't as bad as the people who had done those things, so I (obviously!!) didn't have to give up boozing and using.

My sponsor, a charming little old lady, directed my thoughts to a saner path.  She said, rather harshly I thought, "Is that where you want to be?  Is that what you want to happen?  Because, if you continue to booze and use, they will.  These are things you haven't done YET!" Oh.

As I continued to stay clean and sober and began moving toward recovery (as opposed to running from my consequences) I heard this concept touched on in meetings.  I knew what they were talking about when they said, "I haven't done that...yet."  It wasn't until many years later that I fully understood.  It was during an ETA meeting where this girl, Barbie, was new in recovery and said that she had never eaten out of a dumpster, (yet) and never would.  Active alcoholism had not brought her that point (yet).  She knew people who had done that but she, herself, had never had the need (yet).

Barbie's attitude sounded like she wanted to add, 'So there!  Na na na na boo-boo!'  Somehow the dumpster thing proved that she didn't need to be in the halfway house the court system had, ever so politely, suggested would be her new residence.  She was to retain the new living arrangement for a period of one year.  Or she could choose to reside in a penitentiary for a longer period.  (Its all about choices today!)  She had committed a felony and was separated from her family but these points, of course, were not raised.

Unfortunately, my turn to share came after hers.  I said, "Honey, you don't have to relapse to eat out of a dumpster.  Why don't you give it a try now?  Check it out.  You might like it!  See if that's where you want to go.  Because, if you keep boozing and using, you will go there.  We can all end up there, we just haven't had to do that...yet."  I truly understood, down to my innermost self, what it meant to say. "I haven't been there, done that, yet."

You know, Barbie never did warm up to me.

Have a good and sober day.