Scary

This past week I was diagnosed with yet another chronic health disease.  Yea.  I have enough already, thank you much!  ( note to old HP: We can stop adding them anytime now!)  New health issues usually means new medication. (I take enough of that too, dear HP! hint hint.)

This new med will make me a tad loopy for the first few weeks.  The Doctor promises this will go away once my body gets used to it.  He had best be telling the truth about that lest things (me) turn ugly.  This will probably come as a big surprise to you but I don't always react to drugs well.  I'm sure that this has nothing to do with my being an alcoholic/drug addict.  (I made certain the doc knows I'm in recovery - I told him four times.)  Even drugs that aren't narcotics, uppers, downers, etc.  We can predict what will happen if I'm given those.  But I process other drugs differently that most people, too. 

Literature used by AA and other recovery programs tells me that I am mentally and physically different from my fellows.  I know understand this, but it has been my experience that most health care professionals don't get it.  So obviously I am a tad cautious and nervous when following their treatment plans. 

The symptoms of my new illness are very difficult for me to deal with so I do need medical treatment.  So I'm taking the drug prescribed.  I want to get better.  The being loopy feels similar to being slightly intoxicated and I reeeealy don't like that.  It scares me.  I'm afraid I could lose my sobriety.  Is that likely? No, but it is possible.  I've admitted to the old HP, myself, my sponsor, my support system and my family members the exact nature of how wrong this feels. (step 5+)  They are on guard for any sign of behavior or mood changes.

I am dancing with the devil and I am scared.  I'm going to need all the help and prayers I can get.

Have a good and sober day.