Before Step One

In talking with Barbie, a friend in the recovery program ETA, she pointed out that I have an assignment for my pigeons and explain something to them before we start step one.  Today's post will be on the assignment.  As with most of my assignments this one is a tool that is used repeatedly.  We start with daily, but then it becomes an 'as needed' tool throughout recovery.  Repeatedly.  It goes in your spiritual toolbox.  For ever and ever.  Amen.

Explaining to Barbie my feelings of pretentiousness about offering MY way of working the steps , she told me to have a good time with the thing and to get over it.  A zillion people have publicly offered ways to work the 12 steps of ETA, she said, the requests were nothing personal.  Barbie is not what one might call overly sensitive.  Though she did point out these 2 prerequisites.  So here we go!

I warn in advance that I'll probably be able to tell if you aren't doing this.  If I even think you are not doing this assignment, we will go into the bathroom together and stay there until you get it right. This is not an idle threat.  I have actually done this and have no problem doing it again.  I also warn that you will most likely start laughing or start crying the first time.

Every time you go to the bathroom and wash your hands, look yourself directly in the eye and say: 

"I am worthy of recovery."

Do it without flinching or looking away.  No looking at eyebrows, eyelashes or whites or color of your eyes.  No 'Did I pluck my brows evenly?' or 'Is that a new wrinkle?'   None of that crap.  I mean look yourself directly in the eye!  Because it is only there that you may be found.  The rest of you has been snuffed out by boozing and using.

This is a very powerful tool.  It quiets the screaming thoughts of guilt, worthlessness and shame that seem to run rampant and unceasing in our brain. It gives us confidence to move on to the next step, one we might fear.  It gives us fortitude to hang in there when the going gets rough.  It gives us courage to try new things and/or to do the next right thing.  I still use it today.

Have a good and sober day.