Expectations

Expectations. Someone suggested that I write about this topic today and, in thinking it over, I realized that I've not thought about expectations for quite a while. Many of my friends struggle with having too many expectations but this hasn't been a problem for me. Either that, or the old HP hasn't revealed this defect to me yet.

He does that to me frequently; I'll be cruising along in sobriety, thinking all is well, and WHAM! I run into a new and/or improved character defect. I refer to this phenomena as a Spiritual Q-tip. Those babies hurt! As usual, before I start the day's post, I spend a couple of minutes quieting my mind and seeking the old HP's guidance. When I did that this morning this is what came to mind:

On page 60 in the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", there is a paragraph that starts with the words, "The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success." Reading on through to the bottom of page 61, the book describes a person with many of the same behaviors I displayed when I first came to the recovery program ETA. My next thought was: 'That reading is about controlling others, not about expectations! Where is something on expectations?' Okay, I still have some of the behaviors described here, but that is not the point I'm trying to make. (Barbie! Stop laughing!!)

Reading on, it says: "Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show..." and that's where I found the part about expectations. When I want a certain outcome to any situation, chances are that I'm trying to arrange people, places and things in a way that will guarantee the result I want, I expect MY outcome. And when my projected outcome doesn't happen, I resent all others involved for ruining the "show".

The last time I checked, which was this very morning, I am responsible for doing the footwork, for accepting the role that the old HP assigns to me. He is in charge of running the show. The outcome is determined by the old HP. One of the first things that was told to me when I joined ETA was: "There is a God and it isn't you." When I get a fixed idea about how something will turn out or what someone will do, I'm trying to play God. You know, that's never worked out very well. I'm simply not qualified for the job. And what a relief that is!!

It is rather like going to a party as opposed to hosting one. Chances are that I'll enjoy myself and the other guests as much as I choose and avoid all the chaos, expense, anxiety, invitations and craziness of planning and throwing the the party. Rarely am I involved in cleaning up the mess after it is all over, either. Sounds good to me.

Have a good and sober day.