Say It Isn't So

For being as inconsiderate as most of us are of other people, we sure are a sensitive bunch. I'm talking about my fellow members in the recovery program ETA primarily, but this is true of people in general, too. (I received a blistering comment which said that my posts imply you have to be a substance abuser to read or relate to them. This is certainly not the case. I know scores of people that are not in ETA and who are about as sick as a person can be. I'm talking spiritual sickness, here.)

Moving on. Let's say that someone makes a derogatory (insulting) comment on your character, which may or may not be true. (In ETA we call this 'taking some one's inventory'.) We feel bad, are hurt or angry and we whine about it to other people. We want them to comfort and reassure us, naturally. Those of us who are overly sensitive tend to justify or refute the comment. We bring out all sorts of examples to 'prove' the statement is false, we defend ourselves by admitting we acted like that once under extreme circumstances, we attack the character of the guy that 'started it.' I'm sure there are a zillion different ways people handle this type of thing. I'm also sure it's happened at least once to anyone over the age of 5.

No matter who said what about us the quickest way I have found to quiet my thoughts in this situation is this. What has this person ever said or done that made me respect their opinion? Just because someone says something doesn't make it true.

Chances are that anyone who has earned my respect will speak to me privately about any concerns they may have about my behavior or character. I'm not going to put any stock into something said by one that I don't respect. Nor am I suddenly going to respect a gossip. What they have to say about me is of no importance. I simply disregard the comment.

Were someone to say that I am a pink garden hose good for nothing except watering weeds, I'd probably say a quick prayer that they soon find a good therapist. Very likely, I'd blow the comment off and not think about it again. I might even give them a weird look or two. What I would not do is rush to a mirror to see if I was pink. I'd know, even without peeking, that I was considerably larger around than a garden hose. Just because someone makes a comment does not make whatever they say become the truth. Ever hear of lying? How about trouble with perception accuracy?

Those of us with substance abuse, as well as those without, often have difficulty perceiving things correctly. Many different things can shape or affect our perception of reality. My perception of something isn't necessarily fact. When the hot sun is beating down on the pavement up ahead, I see water on the road. There is no water on the road, but I perceive it's being there. We even have a word for this phenomena because it has happened so often: mirage.

People are going to say all kinds of hurtful things to and about us. It's human nature. When it happens to you, try to remember this. Every one has the right to be as wrong as they need to be. You might want to remember this before you make a nasty comment about anybody else, too.

Have a good and sober day.