Analyyyzer 210

Analyyyzer

\ANAL-why?why?why?-zer\
noun
Meaning

: an adult that consistently responds to any statement or explanation by asking, "But, why?"; one who convinces him/herself that they are looking for information when in reality they want to stay focused on the problem; a major irritant to sponsors and other mentors

The most frequent indication you might be dealing with an analyyyzer is when they ask, "How do you know whether someone is an alcoholic or not?" This is a warning sign that you might be in for a verbal wrestling match every time you try to converse with this person. Tread carefully with these folks, they are not normal. Usually, they have had psychological therapy in the past and think that all things are to be questioned and argued until one of the participants falls unconscious.

The following is an example culled from my experience. What they say is in italics. What I say is in normal script.

How do you know whether someone is alcoholic or not?
Each person must decide for himself. The book "Alcoholics Anonymous", the basic text of alcoholics says: "If, when you honestly want to, you find you can't quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic." I also think that alcoholics are the only ones that have blackouts when they drink.

But, how can you know for sure?
If you do things that you wouldn't normally do when you drink, especially things you don't remember or are ashamed of, you might want to look at why you continue to drink.

There has to be a reason that I drink.
There is: Because you have lost the power of choice when it comes to drinking.

No, I had a rough childhood. My mom was ugly and my dad was fat. Kids teased me a lot.
How sad. Has everyone in your family had 3 DUI's (Driving Under the Influence)?

No.
Then that's probably not it. I still think you have lost the power of choice when it comes to alcohol.

But what made me an alcoholic? How do I know for sure that I am one?
I don't know anyone who has been arrested for a DUI that doesn't have a problem with alcohol. Didn't your first and second husbands leave you because you drank too much?

They both had problems making commitments. They just said that so they wouldn't look bad when they left. I want to know how you prove that someone is an alcoholic.
You mean like a test?

Yeah.
No. We tend to look at the problems alcohol has caused us and decide we don't want to have those problems anymore. Then we set about working the recovery program ETA.

But how do you really know? How did you get alcoholism?
It doesn't matter. Even if I knew those answers it wouldn't change the fact that I'm an alcoholic and I'd have to learn how to stay sober.

But why did I become alcoholic?
If you knew why, would it change the circumstances you find yourself in?

I don't know but I need to know why I'm an alcoholic!
Maybe you're just lucky. Let's talk about how to live life without taking a drink today.

How can you say that? I don't think you like me.
If you keep looking for someone to blame instead of facing facts, there's a good chance I will come to dislike you, is what I'm thinking. What I say is: You have serious legal consequences as a result of your drinking. I think it is more productive to find a way to prevent those kinds of things from happening again than to find out why you drink so much.

But it's important that I know why!!

At this point, I usually clout them over the head with a stout club and they fall unconscious. When they wake up, I tell them that I'm glad they figured out why they are a drunk and have made the decision to figure out how to stay sober through working the steps.

Have a good and sober day.