Acceptance

Acceptance is not the answer to all my problems today. Let me know how that works out for you...

There are many people in the recovery program ETA, as well as many in the recovery program ETAnon, that believe acceptance is what it takes to get through all of life's irritating components. Whenever they are disturbed about something or someone, it's because they need to accept whatever it is as being exactly as it is supposed to be at this time. What a crock of fecal matter! (This is a family-friendly blog.)

Get this! Barbie, a member of ETA, was living in a half-way house for recovering women. This house functioned somewhat as a family household might; everyone had chores, shared bathrooms, ate dinner together, used the same appliances, etc. Barbie would return home from work in the early afternoon hungry for lunch. Reasonable enough.

Most days, she would find an open package of lunch meat in the 'fridge and this really ticked her off. This is understandable, too. Do you like dried out lunch meat on your sandwiches? Me either. Barbie left a note asking the perpetrator (this was a criminal offense in Barbie's opinion and I agree) to either re-seal the package or place it in a plastic bag to keep it from drying out, but nothing changed. Barbie left a larger, more forceful note on the 'fridge. Still, nothing changed. Maybe the meat dryer can't read.

Barbie called me, very frustrated, and I listened to her blow off steam while I made soothing, commiserating noises. When she was almost done she said, I kid you not, "I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that I'll be eating dried out lunch meat on my sandwich every day."

"Excuse me?" said I. "Where did you come up with that idea?"

Apparently she was reading a story written by some guy in the ETA program that said he just learns to accept the stuff that upsets him. She was trying to do the same. Somebody is being inconsiderate, not to mention wasteful, and the answer is to be okay with that?! Martyrs of the World, unite! What sick thinking. I thought that we were supposed to be trying to get better and told Barbie so.

"Well, I can't do anything about it, so shouldn't I just learn to accept it?" Sigh. Obviously, Barbie has a lot of work to do if she's ever going to recover from substance abuse. I quickly invited the old HP into the conversation and asked Him to give me the right words to say. (If I'd have said what I was thinking, things would probably gotten really ugly really quickly.) Here is what we decided she could do:

She could bring this problem up at the dinner table and ask if whoever would put the open meat in a plastic bag. She could make her lunch the night before, or at least get the meat out and into plastic before the perpetrator had a chance to ruin it. She could eat something else for lunch! This is why the old HP made microwaves; to heat left overs up fast. (I also thought it would be fun to spy on the morning lunch makers, catch the culprit red-handed then teach them a lesson, but the old HP nixed that idea. Dang.)

Accepting everything isn't the answer to all my problems today or tomorrow. If I had to accept the unacceptable, chances are that acceptance would be the cause of all my resentments. And resentments are the number one offender to staying clean and sober. Does acceptance mean we have to stuff our true feelings down inside of us and smile as though all is just fine and dandy in our own little world? We think not.

Have a good and sober day.