Analyyyzer 210

Analyyyzer

\ANAL-why?why?why?-zer\
noun
Meaning

: an adult that consistently responds to any statement or explanation by asking, "But, why?"; one who convinces him/herself that they are looking for information when in reality they want to stay focused on the problem; a major irritant to sponsors and other mentors

Boy was this past week filled with analyyyzers! I'm glad everyone survived it. This was by no means a sure thing. This might come as a shock to you, but I tend to become exasperated quickly when dealing with analyyyzers. Here is one of the analyyyzer situations from this past week.

I'm talking to a couple of fellow members of the recovery program ETA, Barbie and Midge, and Barbie mentions that she is feeling out of sorts. I ask her if there is anything I can do to help her feel better and she says that she doesn't think so, but thanks. Then she takes a step out of sanity and says, "Do you think that I might be coming down with something?"

How would I know? Seriously! Does she expect me to whip out a thermometer and take her temperature? Maybe do a quick physical exam? We are standing in a parking lot, outside, in February for crying out loud! I rarely see Barbie more than once a week and she looks the same to me as she did last week. "Perhaps." Is what I say, "Though I hope not."

Then Midge chimes in with "There are a lot of bugs going around. Maybe you caught one of them?"

Barbie: "What all is going around?" Midge promptly lists every ailment she has heard people suffering with in the past month or so and lays each one out like a buffet for Barbie to view before making a selection. Midge proceeds to act like a salesman, announcing the symptoms of each illness and discussing the likelihood of this one or that one being responsible for Barbies being out of sorts.

Barbie tries on each set of symptoms and she and Midge discuss how well they fit with what Barbie is experiencing. They accept and reject possibilities with the ease and skill of experienced analyyyzers while I just stand there, enthralled by the process. I am mesmerized by this the same way I would be mesmerized by a news clip featuring the aftermath of a tornado; appalled, yet unable to look away. They settle, tentatively, on Barbie having a sinus infection that will probably turn into bronchitis. I'm thinking that this is a very real possibility since we have been standing in the always balmy February breezes for more than 20 minutes now.

I offer the possibility that Barbie is simply out of sorts. They stare at me like I'm guilty of being politically incorrect and I mumble an apology. After a bit more discussion, Barbie packs up her selection and heads home to nurture them and see what develops. Midge asks to be kept informed as she is interested in the results of Barbies "Why?"shopping spree, too. I say nothing other than goodbye.

As I climb into my car, I realize that I have a headache. Maybe I'm getting a sinus infection...

Have a good and sober day.