Judging others

Both the Bible and the Big Book, aka "Alcoholics Anonymous", tell us that we ought not judge each other; that duty belongs to the old HP. This makes quite a bit of sense to me because the old HP is the only one Who knows what all is going on in every body's life. As a human being, a flawed being, even I cut someone slack if I know they are struggling with something. I only know what someone chooses to tell me though, so I don't always know if they need a little slack. The old HP knows it all which makes Him the only one qualified to judge.

The recovery program ETA has some sayings that seem to refute the idea of being non-judgemental: "Stick with the winners", "Find a sponsor who has what you want", "Don't just rely on what a person says. You must watch their feet." These things encourage us to take one an others inventory; to judge each other. How can we do both things? I don't know who the winners are, don't know if I want what you have, or know if your talk matches your walk without judging these things.

Here is how I've resolved the conflicting statements. My primary purpose is to stay clean and sober myself. When I'm listening to and looking at other people in recovery, I'm figuring out what I want in my sober life. My current sponsor has stayed sober through incredibly difficult situations. She understands the concept of not drinking no matter what life throws at her. She is honest and genuine; if she's having a tough time with something, she talks about it at meetings rather than pretending all is Utopia because she's in recovery. I want to be able to do those things, too. That's why she's my sponsor.

Whether our backgrounds are similar, we have the same level of education, are in the same socioeconomic status or have the same goals in life is irrelevant. She insists on being human. She gets intolerant and snaps at people, but she then apologizes. She gives in to the temptation of gossiping, but she admits her wrong and tries to repair any damage. She has defects of character and sometimes falls into acting on them, but she gets back up and asks the old HP to help her to do better next time.

I've seen her in all these situations and judged each and every one of them, too. But what I'm judging isn't about the problems or defects displayed, it is about how she handles these very human behaviors that interests me. That is what I want from her. I already have defects and shortcomings simply by being human. I don't judge a persons behavior to try and convince myself I don't have the same defects, I've already admitted and accepted that I do.

News Flash! Every human being has human tendencies, defects and behaviors.

Recovery helps us to stay clean and sober. I didn't join ETA because I was trying to be better than human. I joined ETA to make my human existence better. By watching and judging how someone applies spiritual principles to their daily life I learn how to do the same thing. When you practice what you preach I am hopeful that someday I'll be able to do that, too.

When we judge to condemn another I think we are outside the scope of our qualifications. When we judge another to improve our own selves it is an entirely different thing. I judge people all the time. I'm not looking to see when and if someone falls. I already know how to do that. I'm looking to see how and if someone gets back up. That is what I need to learn. If, in the process, you have something I want/need to learn more about - then I'm going to stick with you because you're a winner.

Have a good and sober day.