Analyyyzer Day 310.5

Analyyyzer

\ANAL-why?why?why?-zer\
noun
Meaning

: an adult that consistently responds to any statement or explanation by asking, "But, why?"; one who convinces him/herself that they are looking for information when in reality they want to stay focused on the problem; a major irritant to sponsors

When someone in the recovery program ETA picks up a drink or a drug after a period of sobriety we refer to it as a relapse. While relapse is common in recovering alcoholics and drug addicts, it is by no means the rule. There are many of us who become sober and stay sober for the rest of our lives.

Recently I began working the recovery program ETA with a gal that had relapsed after 1 year of sobriety. During her sober year, she had a sponsor and had worked the 12 steps with her, but for whatever reason this gal, Barbie, saw fit to get drunk again. Okay, it happens. The lucky ones make it back to the program to try again after a relapse. Even though Barbie felt resentful, angry, stunned and frustrated by her relapse, she is a lucky one; she isn't dead.

We were talking this past week. I'm in italics.

"Will you sponsor me?" (new sobriety date often means new sponsor, too.)

"Are you willing to go to any length to stay clean and sober?"

"Yes. I can't believe I got drunk again! How could it have happened?"

"Let's start reading literature together and begin working the steps."

"Why would I do something so stupid?"

"It isn't about how smart you are. You know this. Alcoholism is a disease."

"I know."

"The important thing is that we get up, dust ourselves off and try it again. We will work together regularly. Which days are best for you?"

"I have weekends off. I can't believe I drank! Why would I do such a thing? I know I'm an alcoholic."

"Let's quit worrying about the past. Today is what counts. Let's meet on Saturday mornings."

"Why did I let this happen?"

My flesh is starting to crawl. I feel a weird, creepy sensation engulf me. My eyes dart around frantically, looking for... I don't know what, help maybe? I look back at Barbie and see her lips form the word "why". Again. An Analyyyzer! Warning! Warning!, my brain is screeching. Alarms are going off in my head. Houston, we have a problem.

"Stop", I say, firmly. "You are no longer allowed to say the word "why".

"Why not?" I give her the evil eye sponsors have used successfully for decades. "Sorry."

"There will come a time when we will study the past so that we don't repeat it, but now isn't the time. If you keep using your energy to figure out 'why?' you will have no energy to focus on how to stay sober. 'Why?' is a weapon you are forging to punish yourself for relapsing. Do you think it is wise to indicate to me that you deserve to be punished?" I ask with my eyebrows raised and a look of anticipation on my face. I'm certain that the smile I gave her would frighten young children and the people who know me well.

"Oh, yeah. Maybe not."

"Good. What time do you want to meet on Saturday mornings?"

You know, being a sponsor can be almost as much fun as being a grandmother. I love this program.

Have a good and sober day.