Analyyyzer
noun
Meaning
: an adult that consistently responds to any statement or explanation by asking, "But, why?"; one who convinces him/herself that they are looking for information when in reality they want to stay focused on the problem; a major irritant to sponsors and other mentors
I'm not sure whether this weeks experience is actually an example of an analyyyzer, but I'm going to share it anyway. The verification process displayed might not include the requisite 'why?', but it is a major irritant to at least one sponsor. That would be me. In case you were wondering, it actually is all about me.
Most of us have had conversations like the ones below. I do not wish to frighten anyone into thinking (shudder) they are an analyyyzer, but if you find yourself talking like this when communicating you might want to take a look at that. Should you be a true analyyyzer, you will stop with taking a look. Should you be a rational person you can then take steps to avoid further descent down the slippery slope and prevent analyyyzing from taking over your life.
The recovery program ETA encourages it's members to be of service to their fellow alcoholics and drug addicts. ("Servicing" another alcoholic or drug addict is not the same thing as service work.) We do what we can to help each other stay clean and sober. We are there for each other in times of crisis or stressful situations such as moving, funerals, court appearances, etc. When attempting to be of service to an analyyyzer, it goes something like this. My thoughts are in italics:
You: "I love this meeting! I lost my drivers licence though, so I don't know if I'll be able to get here regularly."
Me: "Where do you live?"
The answer is either somewhere close to where I live or is on my way to the meeting.
Me: "I come here every week and I could pick you up and take you home after."
You: "Really?"
No. It's a set up.
You: "I have a doctor's appointment this week. I'm going to have to tell him I'm an alcoholic and I'm afraid of what he might say. He's been my doctor for years. What if he won't be my doctor any more?"
Me: "Would you like someone to go with you? I'd be willing to go along."
You: "Would you really go with me?"
Ha ha on you! I just said that because I like the sound of my voice.
You: "I'm going on vacation. How am I going to stay clean and sober without my sober friends? I've got a list of meetings close to where we are going but I won't know anyone."
Me: "Do you have a cell phone with free long distance calling?"
You: "Yes, and I'm going to call my sponsor everyday but she works during the day. What do I do then?"
Me: "How about I call you every day sometime during the hours your sponsor is at work? Would that make you feel more connected?"
You: "Yes! Would you really do that?"
No. I'm taking a survey. I asked if it would help. I didn't say I would actually call you.
You: "My ex's great Aunt just died and the kids want to go to the funeral. I'm dreading seeing all those people I knew when I was boozing and using."
Me: "I'd go with you for moral support."
You: "I couldn't ask you to do that!"
Me: "You didn't ask. I offered. Would it be easier if someone was there for you to lean on just in case?"
You: "Are you serious? I would love that. You are so kind."
Gotcha! Hey everybody! Barbie thought I would waste an hour or two of my time on her!
Have a good and sober day.
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