Analyyyzer Day!

Analyyyzer

\ANAL-why?why?why?-zer\
noun
Meaning

: an adult that consistently responds to any statement or explanation by asking, "But, why?"; one who convinces him/herself that they are looking for information when in reality they want to stay focused on the problem; a major irritant to sponsors and other mentors

Many churches graciously allow meetings for the recovery program ETA to be held in their rooms. Not the church proper but in the extra rooms or, more likely, their basements. I go to several ETA meetings that are held in churches. As an aside, when someone sitting in a church basement, attending an ETA meeting, says that churches are full of people that are judgemental, liars or hypocrites I always want to say, "Really? Which one are you?"

So, here I am, arriving at a church for an ETA meeting. I step out of my car and see my friend, Barbie, hustling across the parking lot towards me. Barbie has just a few months clean and sober. My words are in italics.

"I had a using dream!" (this should be self explanatory, but... it means that you dreamed you were boozing and using again.)

"Scary aren't they?"

"No kidding! I woke up sweating and my heart just about pounding out of my chest."

"Is this your first one?"

"You mean I could have another one?"

"Sure. We all have them once in a while. What did your sponsor say?"

"She said that we all have them, but I thought that meant we all have one. I don't want to have another dream like that."

"None of us like them because the seem so real and frightening. Did you dream that you knew you shouldn't be drinking and wondering how you were going to keep it a secret from all your sober friends?"

"Yes!"

"It's the most common theme in using dreams. Nobody must know we drank and we are in a panic figuring out how we are going to keep it a secret."

"Why do we have them?"

"Because we are alcoholics."

"No. I meant: Why did I have one?"

"Because you're an alcoholic."

"But why would I dream about it?"

"Maybe because you were asleep? I'm just guessing here. Most people only dream when they are sleeping."

"No." Barbie says, clearly becoming exasperated with my responses, "What caused it?" I can hear the music to the movie "Jaws" starting to play quietly in the background. Oh, oh. I might be conversing with an analyyyzer. The feeling of dread is nipping at the fringes of me.

"You want to know if you did something that made you dream about using?"

"Yeah. Am I doing something wrong or need to do more of something, like service work or more meetings? Is that why I had the dream?"

"It means that you need somebody to break your arm off and beat you with the wet end for acting like an analyyyzer," is what I'm thinking. What I say is, "No."

"What does it mean?"

"Using dreams are a gift from the old HP. You get to experience all the guilt and shame you felt while you were boozing and using and you don't have to change your sobriety date."

Horrified, Barbie stared at me like I was insane. I patted her hand in a comforting, reassuring manner and smiled serenely into her eyes. Then I held the door for her as we went inside. I'm so glad that working with newcomers is required in ETA. I get so much from it.

Have a good and sober day.