Step 4

I honestly believe that defects are nothing more than assets left unchecked. I can't get rid of my characteristics and still remain human, I can only let God, whom I choose to call the old HP, prune away the overgrowth that makes me 'unattractive'.

I must have pride to motivate me to do things to the best of my ability. It is when I begin to think there is no room for improvement that I get into trouble.

Guilt is a tool ~ when I use it to change my behavior. After that, it becomes a weapon that I use to tell myself that 'I am bad', which keeps me down far enough that my disease of alcoholism can overcome me.

Honesty is very valuable in keeping me close to the old HP. Rigorous, and, yes, sometimes brutal, honesty are required to achieve and maintain sobriety. When I become more attracted to the 'brutal' than to the honesty or when I focus on being more honest about others than I am with myself ~ this is when my life begins to become unmanageable again.

Ego is a basic requirement for sustaining life. The old HP prunes this when I start thinking my life is the only one that counts. I must have a sense of self that is rather like the Little Red Riding Hood story from childhood: Not too big, not too small, my ego must be just the right size for me.

I think of us as overgrown gardens. We were once breathtakingly beautiful. After years of neglect, apathy and abuse, we are tattered and shabby and it can be very difficult to see the beauty that was so obvious at one time.

With a bit of effort from my sponsor, the fellowship, reading the BB and a LOT of effort from me and the old HP I can flourish as a beautiful garden and become an area of peace and relaxation; a refuge.

Through the pulling of weeds, trimming the excess, replanting of some of the flowers and bushes this is achieved. I need not bring in a bulldozer and plow it all up. There is good stuff in there that just needs a little attention and training to grow to the best of it's ability. I must tend to the garden of my soul every day, so that I can remove any weeds before they become established again. I also look for damaged branches, harms I may have caused others, and repair them quickly.

Thus my garden becomes a sanctuary for all who may come to visit. I am warmed by the Sunlight of the Spirit and know that I am blessed.

Have a good and sober day.