Step 5

Step 5 of the 12 step recovery program ETA states: "Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Notice it does NOT say: admitted to God, to ourselves and to the world at large...) Living step 5 is a whole bunch different than working step 5. I don't know about you, but nary a day passes that I haven't wanted to do or say something I know is wrong. That is why I find living step 5 to be so difficult. However, here is a story about living step 5:

Barbie and Ken are friends of mine. We used to also be friends with Brad and his wife, but Brad drank himself to death. Ken had been his sponsor and was having a hard time with the funeral and everything. I called them to ask if they wanted me to go to the viewing and funeral for moral support. They said yes. Dang.

The widow had been grieving in a way that I thought was inappropriate - she was sleeping with someone else the day after her husband died! I hadn't liked her much to begin with, even less so with this appalling lapse of, of, of, etiquette shall we say? Now I was going to be in close proximity with her and, even though it was none of my business, I wanted to offer my opinion on her behavior. Brad had been a likable guy and even though he died drunk, I felt he deserved some respect.

This is where living step 5 came in. I would go for Brad, for Ken, for Barbie and then I wanted to go for the widow's throat. Being a person of discernment, I quickly realized this would be wrong. I admitted to me that I wanted to do it anyway. I figured that the old HP wouldn't be impressed with such a thing.

The old HP must have considered this admission a request for His guidance because, by just thinking His name, He invited Himself into my thoughts. Suddenly the scene of my having a shouting match with the widow at the funeral home popped into my head. That was attractive. Then a scene of my snubbing the widow. Picturing myself acting all self righteous didn't look too great either. There would be other people we knew present and, even though members of ETA never gossip, I thought of how I would feel when word of my actions circulated amongst the fellowship of ETA. Okay, so I don't want that to happen either.

I turned to the old HP. I didn't want to pay the consequences of acting like a jerk. I still wanted to say cruel things to the widow, this was true. I simply didn't want to pay the price of succumbing to self will. (Yeah, I know. You have never experienced this kind of thing.) I was afraid that, in the heat of the moment, my resolve would crumble. How could I have it all: go to the services and act right, too? (I bet you've never wanted it all, either.)

The face of a girl, Skipper, flashed in my brain. She had just a few months of sobriety and had met Brad before he started drinking again. I wondered if she was planning to go to the services. If I had a newcomer with me my chances of behaving properly would increase markedly. I would be much less likely to taint her view of sobriety through working the 12 steps of ETA if I were responsible for her. I would behave better for her than I would just for myself. Sick? Probably, but it was true and I must stay true to myself if I want to stay clean and sober.

I called and Skipper did want to go to the funeral home but she didn't have a car or a driver's licence. Is the old HP good to me or what? Then next part of step 5 says to admit to another human being so I told her my dilemma and asked if I could pick her up. She wasn't shocked or disgusted at all by my admission.

We went to the funeral home, I behaved beautifully and was able to support my friends as they had asked me to do. Afterward, as I dropped Skipper off at her apartment, she thanked me for helping her to understand step 5 better. Hey! Give her a break! She only had a few months of sobriety at the time!



Have a good and sober day.