Unless...

"...They (alcoholics) are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort..." This is a quote from the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous", under the segment entitled, "The Doctor's Opinion". Since being restless, irritable and discontented tends to make alcoholics thirsty, it is important to discover that which brings us comfort pretty quickly after the acute phase of detox is over.

Seriously, I don't think anything, including booze, could have given me comfort in the very beginning. Boozing and using brought such guilt and self loathing, there was no comfort there. Not drinking made me feel so physically sick and shaky, there was no comfort there either. This, boys and girls, is true hell. Please, dear God, help me to never go there again.

This is where a sponsor comes to the rescue. If I sponsor someone in the recovery program ETA, I call them my pigeon. A pigeon is defined (in old dictionaries) as 'a personal problem or concern'. If I sponsor someone, I AM personally concerned about their sobriety and it is my job to offer them suggestions towards building a life of contentment while staying clean and sober. What they do about those suggestions is up to them. I kind of doubt it is possible to cram contentment, peace and serenity down some one's throat.

Prayer, meetings, working with another alcoholic and laughter are pretty generic in providing the sense of ease and comfort that we seek. Sometimes, talking with your sponsor is helpful, too. After all, they are the ones who told you to, "go to meetings, read recovery literature, work with alcoholics and don't booze or use", in the first place.

But what about the things that are specific to your sense of ease and comfort? What is it that feeds your soul and nurtures your spirit? How do you discover these things? This is how I did it and suggest that my pigeons do it.

First of all, come to understand that you are not a bad person who never deserves to have fun again, for never and ever, amen. Next, accept the fact that most alcoholics are instant gratification people and concede that you probably are like that, too. Then learn to play and experiment with new activities.

One of my first experiments had me and a friend walking around a shopping area wearing feather boas and acting snooty. We had a great time and several people told us how beautiful we were. Another friend learned to fly a kite, something she had wanted to do since she was a kid. Blow bubbles while walking around your neighborhood or in the parking lot of your ETA meetings. Squirt guns are always a good time and they make them small enough to be concealed while holding them in your hand. Rediscover some of your hobbies. Learn some new ones.

The point is to find joy in the new, sober life you have been given. We are not a glum lot. We didn't get clean and sober to be miserable. Reward yourself for all the work you've done trying to stay clean and sober, because it IS work. When your sponsor tells you to arrange a 'play date' with your friends, do so! And every couple of weeks, tell yourself (and your pigeons) to do it again. Believe it or not, most of us don't know how to play or enjoy ourselves. We have to be taught.

Have a good and sober day.