Peace, Contentment And All That Jazz

One of my favorite movies is "Chicago". I just love all that singing and dancing. The title of today's post gives a nod to one of the songs in that movie. "All That Jazz" is sung by one of my favorite actresses. All that being said, singing and dancing isn't what I will be writing about. What I want to tell you about is even better.

Those of us that raised kids while boozing and using often wish that we could go back and raise them clean and sober. In the recovery program ETA, we are to make amends to all of those we have harmed and I have done my best to do so. This would be after I spent a lot of time and money trying to purchase the past: Let me buy you something or give you money so I can cover up your ugly memories with better ones. Most parents go through a phase like this in early recovery. (Hint: This doesn't work.)

After making amends, sometimes the old HP gives you a bonus. That is what today's post is about. I am on vacation with my eldest daughter, Skipper, and her 7 year old son (who has never seen me drunk. Thank you, old HP!). We came out west to see some of the magnificent creations this country is blessed to have. Skipper still bears some emotional scars of my boozing and using during her childhood. The most obvious one is that she usually keeps her emotions locked up tight.

We have planned this trip for several weeks. The closer we got to the day we left, the more excited she became. She joined in the planning with enthusiasm; making note of all the things we might want to do. We talked these things over every day. Once we had the plane tickets bought and paid for, any restraint was gone. The day we left, she was talking so fast that I could hardly keep up with her words.

Rarely have I seen her so happy and playful. The first morning we were here she awoke and just started giggling. She got agitated when we were 20 minutes late leaving for the Grand Canyon. I put my arms around her and said: "Relax Skipper, we are still going, it's just taking a bit longer to get ready than we thought it might. The Grand Canyon has been there for a zillion years, it will not matter if we get there a few minutes later than planned." She laughed and calmed down, saying, "Oh, I know, I know.", then started giggling again.

What a wonderful sight to see! I had a flash of sadness, thinking she could have always been like this if not for my boozing and using, but threw it off: this was not about me. Meanderings of this nature would only mar what was happening now. She is exactly as the old HP made her to be and I intend to enjoy it.

The benefits of working the ETA program are tremendous. The love and forgiveness the old HP makes possible are incredible. The peace and contentment that come from bending my will to that of the old HP feed my soul and strengthen my faith. The fact that Skipper even wanted to vacation with me is proof of the power of forgiveness. The ability to recognize these things is a gift in itself.

I am humbled by the trust she has shown by displaying her feelings, the opportunity to be a part of my daughter's life, the happiness I get from seeing her happy, the beauty of nature, the love of and for my Creator, sharing things that make wonderful memories... and all that jazz.

Have a good and sober day.