Analyyyzer Day! 610.3

Analyyyzer

\ANAL-why?why?why?-zer\
noun
Meaning

: an adult that consistently responds to any statement or explanation by asking, "But, why?"; one who convinces him/herself that they are looking for information when in reality they want to stay focused on the problem; a major irritant to sponsors and other mentors

Once again I am in a different time zone for the week so posting will be about 4 hours later than usual. I always go with local time no matter where I am posting from.

I'm on vacation again. The people of ETA, the recovery program for alcoholics and drug addicts to which I belong, are always raising the funds to buy me a plane ticket to somewhere far away. This means that I go on vacation a lot. My pigeons probably take out loans to donate to this worthy cause. If you can't figure out why they do this, I suggest you read a couple of my earlier posts.

I have found a new game to play with analyyyzers!! This is so exciting and fun. All the normal alcoholics and addicts will love it. Best of all, I massaged the message of sobriety (as opposed to carrying the message) so it is recovery based. There is a saying in ETA: half measures get us nowhere. The game falls under this suggestion, so I titled it: If we're going to go there then, by golly, let's go there! Here is how you play. Even though there is only one player in the game, the player is in italics.

An analyyyzer makes a statement, such as, "Barbie told everybody in the (ETA) meeting last night that I'm selfish and cold hearted. I won't be able to face the people in that meeting again. "

"That surprises me. Barbie is not usually like that."

"Are you saying I'm a liar?!"

"No. Tell me what happened."

"She said that she had talked to a really selfish and cold hearted guy on the phone yesterday."

"That's it?"

"What do you mean, 'that's it'? We talked on the phone yesterday! Who else could she have been talking about? Why would she say such a thing? I've always been nice to her!"

"Is it possible she talked on the phone yesterday to other people as well?"

"Yeah, but I know she said it about me. Everyone that heard it is going to think I'm selfish and cold. They are all going to be thinking about what she said about me the next time I see them. I'll never be able to go to that meeting again."

"That's true! Thank heavens you were there to hear her! If she had said it behind your back, you'd go to that meeting next week and they'd vote you out forever. Someone probably put it in the notes for the next Group Conscience meeting! You would be publicly banned and shunned forever. I just thought of something else, too. They probably wrote a note to everybody there telling them you are selfish and cold hearted and told them to tell everybody they know! You will have to move across the country, at least, to go to meetings. You HAVE to go to ETA meetings! Otherwise, you won't stay sober! I hope you don't have to move to another country. You better chose to live in a small town, too. If anyone who knows about you should come to your new town, on vacation or to visit someone they know, you would have to move again. It would be best if you changed your name and found a surgeon to change your face. That is what the mafia informers do. Then you'd be safe. I don't know what all you should do. At least not for sure. What do you think?"

"I think you are being an analyyyzer."

"Hey, you started it. I was just tagging along for fun."

"Here is a bunch of money. Why don't you go on vacation?"

Have a good and sober day.