Serenity

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. As many of you know, my brother-in-law is very ill. I've been going over to my sister's house pretty much every day to help her and to give her a break and, while I was there, a representative from a home health care company came over to explain what services the company offered. My sister asked me to sit in on the appointment. The social worker told us about their nursing services, health aides, legal, spiritual, physical therapy and assistance in wading through all the paperwork generated by caring for a sick person at home. She said that my sister could accept or reject any of the services they provide. Okay. That makes sense. Good to know. Then she said if my sister wanted to refuse pastoral guidance it was very understandable and paused, like she was waiting for my sister to snatch the opportunity.

Wait a minute here. Our loved one is terminally ill and it sounds like she's saying spiritual support is superfluous? Uh.... We think not. Of course my eyes narrowed as I looked the woman over more critically. I can easily understand refusing to have a lawyer come by: once you've got an updated will who wants a lawyer coming over to yammer away using big words you don't understand? Charging big bucks to make you feel stupid when you have important things to do, like watch TV with your hubby?

As a recovering alcoholic/drug addict, I'm aware how necessary a Higher Power is when you have a fatal disease. (FYI-Alcoholism and drug addiction are fatal diseases.) Why offer rejection of the old HP during a time when you probably need Him the most? This makes no sense to me. I'm about to say something unflattering when the thought occurs to me that I might be a tad sensitive as a result of recent stressful situations. I think that picking a fight with this woman would NOT be helpful to my sister, either. Dang.

What is my goal? To use this woman as a target for pouring out my fears and frustration? Or is it to be supportive of my sister during one of the most awful times of her life? Thankfully, I thought of this before I opened my mouth. One of the many benefits of being sober is to be there when someone needs me; to make things easier for others. And, although the recovery program ETA is a selfish program, I've been taught to put others needs before my wants. I might want to rip the woman's face off, but my sister needs as much serenity as she can get. Yelling and flinging insults at someone is not a producer of serenity.

You know, I've gone to a lot of ETA meetings. I said a lot of prayers to the old HP. I've done my best to listen to what He has to say to me through meditation. This is how I maintain my spiritual connection with the old HP on a (almost) daily basis. I've tried to practice these principles in all my affairs. I've worked the steps with my sponsor and now try to live them. I help other alcoholics and drug addicts. All of these things are like deposits into my serenity account. I'm glad that I have done these things because I never know when I'm going to make a large withdrawal, like yesterday.

Have a good and sober day.