Sobriety Just For Me

A few days ago I was in an ETA meeting and the topic was "Getting clean and sober for yourself", or something like that. Around here people are always saying stuff like: "You have to want to get clean and sober for yourself." Or: You won't stay clean and sober if you are doing it for your spouse, parents, kids, the law, etc." Comments like that have always inspired me to roll my eyes. My thoughts have always been closer to the theory, it's no big deal why you want to get sober as long as you get sober. (See previous posts for my general opinion on "WHY?")

Still, I'm an obedient alcoholic/drug addict so I listened to what people had to say about the topic with at least one ear. Until it became Barbie's turn to speak. Barbie has been a recovering alcoholic and ETA member for several 24 hours. She started talking about her teen aged children.

A couple of years ago the kids opted to go live with their father, Barbie's ex-husband, Ken. Ken is in active alcoholism and firmly believes in the old adage, 'if it feels good, do it!' He is almost as strict of a disciplinarian as a six month old puppy would be. When I was a rebellious teenager, I'd have opted to live with Ken, too.

After an ugly custody battle, the judge awarded full custody to Ken. Barbie watched her wild son spin more and more out of control, ending with being remanded to a juvenile correctional facility until he is 18. She watched her previously honor role daughter start staying out until all hours of the night and become a high school drop out.

At other ETA meetings, during the custody battle and the resulting deterioration of her children's behavior, Barbie had marveled at the intense stupidity of our court system, in general, and the blind stupidity of the judge, specifically. She spoke of her fear for her children and her desire to strangle Ken. Having been through the frightful times of parenting teenagers, I would have wanted to strangle Ken, too.

At this meeting about getting sober for yourself, Barbie gave a brief summation of the entire custody situation and then said, "It's a damn good thing I didn't get sober for my children's sake. The kids are gone. Had I got sober for them, what would I have done when they left? I had to get sober for myself because the only thing I'm certain will be with me until the end, is me."

Oh. Well, sheet, I thought. Good point. I'd never looked at it that way. I still think that it is irrelevant how an alcoholic or addict comes to get clean and sober, but I now ask the old HP to help keep me clean and sober just for me.

Have a good and sober day.