Being Miffed At The Old HP

For the past 2 weeks I have been grounded from the Internet by Frontier. Although my behavior has not improved they have graciously lifted the ban and I am now free to terrorize all those who visit this blog. Hope you enjoyed the vacation!

During my morning walk, I asked the old HP what I should write about. As usual, He gave no clear instructions so I'm flying by the seat of my pants once again.

Last night I was at a seminar titled: "Healing Your Grieving Heart". The speaker was Dr. Wolfelt and he gave an incredible presentation about mourning the loss of a loved one, or any life changing loss; divorce, good health, life-style, job, possessions (his house burned down and everything his family owned was lost - right down to toothbrushes).

Being a member of ETA, I adapted Dr. Wolfelt's comments to the loss of boozing and using. I don't know about you, but I mourned the loss of alcohol and drugs when I first got clean and sober. The boozing and using lifestyle was killing me. I knew that at the time, and still I mourned their loss. For me, getting clean and sober was a life changing event and I grieved.

Dr. Wolfelt said that, while mourning, he 'had words' with God. He said that he has a relationship with his Creator so having words with Him is completely natural. He's had words with everyone with whom he has had a relationship. Makes perfect sense to me! In fact, I was talking with Barbie, another ETA member, a few days ago about going through tough times. I said that being honest with myself and with the old HP is a necessity. When something happens that I really don't like, don't understand the need for or don't want to do, I tell the old HP how I feel.

Barbie stared at me and said, "You can do that?". Uh...., yeah. It's called being true to myself and the old HP. I'm pretty sure the old HP already knows so it's not like I'm keeping something from Him. God doesn't do secrets. Why keep quiet about what is really going on? Because what, I don't want to hurt His feelings? Really, I think He can handle it. That's His job and I haven't seen anything on the news about the old HP resigning or retiring. Besides, He's got years of experience and is rather skilled at it.

No matter which insane rationale I use to justify being dishonest with our Creator the result is that I prevent Him from helping me with whatever crisis I might have. When doing step one I already admitted that my life was (and still is) unmanageable by me. I seriously doubt that blocking out the old HP by being deceitful is going to lead to something beneficial for all mankind, including me.

Do I ever 'have words' with the old HP? You betcha! Do I get mad and give Him the silent treatment for a short time? Yep. Do I ever give Him the benefit of my opinion on how things could be handled better? Sure do. Being mad at the old HP is natural. Besides, the 'kiss-and-make-up' phase is incredible.

Have a good and sober day.