You see, I think of us as overgrown gardens. We were once breathtakingly beautiful. After years of neglect, apathy and abuse, we are tattered and shabby and it can be very difficult to see the beauty that was so obvious at one time.
I must have pride to motivate me to do things to the best of my ability. It is when I begin to think there is no room for improvement that I get into trouble.
Guilt is a tool ~ when I use it to change my behavior. After that, it becomes a weapon that I use to tell myself that 'I am bad', which keeps me down far enough that my disease of alcoholism can overcome me.
Rigorous honesty is very valuable in keeping me close to the old HP. When I become more attracted to the 'brutal' than to the honesty or when I focus on being more honest about others than I am with myself ~ this is when my life begins to become unmanageable again.
Ego is a basic requirement for sustaining life. The old HP prunes this when I start thinking my life is the only one that counts.
With a bit of effort from my sponsor, the fellowship, reading the BB and a LOT of effort from me and the old HP I can flourish once again as a beautiful garden and my spirit becomes an area of peace and relaxation; a refuge.
Through the pulling of weeds, trimming of excess and replanting of some of the flowers and bushes this is achieved. There is good stuff in there that just needs a little attention and training to grow to the best of it's ability. I need not bring in a bulldozer and plow it all up. When attended to daily,the garden becomes a place in which I am content to dwell. The garden needs attention every day in order to remain pleasing to my Creator, myself and others. This is my daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of my Spiritual Condition.
Guilt is a tool ~ when I use it to change my behavior. After that, it becomes a weapon that I use to tell myself that 'I am bad', which keeps me down far enough that my disease of alcoholism can overcome me.
Rigorous honesty is very valuable in keeping me close to the old HP. When I become more attracted to the 'brutal' than to the honesty or when I focus on being more honest about others than I am with myself ~ this is when my life begins to become unmanageable again.
Ego is a basic requirement for sustaining life. The old HP prunes this when I start thinking my life is the only one that counts.
With a bit of effort from my sponsor, the fellowship, reading the BB and a LOT of effort from me and the old HP I can flourish once again as a beautiful garden and my spirit becomes an area of peace and relaxation; a refuge.
Through the pulling of weeds, trimming of excess and replanting of some of the flowers and bushes this is achieved. There is good stuff in there that just needs a little attention and training to grow to the best of it's ability. I need not bring in a bulldozer and plow it all up. When attended to daily,the garden becomes a place in which I am content to dwell. The garden needs attention every day in order to remain pleasing to my Creator, myself and others. This is my daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of my Spiritual Condition.
Have a good and sober day.
Hey, SnS, you were listed as one of the 100 best blogs for overcoming addiction - congrats!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.guidetoonlineschools.com/library/best-addiction-blogs
Thanks for helping me get there!
ReplyDeleteNicely put :)
ReplyDeleteGood post about honesty and self-appraisal.
ReplyDelete