Step Five

Step 5 of ETA states: Admitted to the old HP, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Doesn't that sound like fun? Some of us are so anxious to take this step that we barf out all our transgressions during one of our first ETA meetings. I remember being so full of pain, guilt and shame that I thought I might burst if I didn't get it out of myself. Still, it is not a good idea to take this step at group level. Step 5 does NOT say: Admitted to the old HP, to ourselves and to the world at large the exact nature of our wrongs.

When I first took this step, with my sponsor, I got out all the big things and all of the little things that I could remember at that time. It has been my experience that most alcoholics and drug addicts have done a lot of wrongs and there is no way to recall each and every one of them in a single sitting. Instead, I have found that I am often reminded of a wrong when working with another alcoholic. Almost always, the wrong I forgot about closely resembles whatever we are discussing at the time. I take that opportunity to admit the wrong to another human being at that time. Sometimes I call my sponsor later and talk to her about it, but not always. The step says "...another human being..." The point is that I am only as sick as my secrets and that means I have a chance to get better if I don't keep secrets about me.

This includes the wrongs I've done in sobriety. I don't know about you, but I make mistakes daily. Not all of my blunders occurred in the distant past. There are also wrongs that I would really like to inflict on others; you know, those stupid jerks that practically beg you to teach them a lesson. My sponsor, or another clean and sober person that I trust, needs to hear about those, too. When I stopped boozing and using I became clean and sober not pure as the driven snow!

In listening to the 5th steps of those that I work with I find that, after completing the step, I remember very little of what they tell me. After all, they are telling me about someone I do not know. I know the person clean and sober. The person boozing and using is a stranger to me. I've heard many 5th steps. Most of us have all done the same crazy things or, at least, thought about doing them (you aren't unique here, either).

I do have a responsibility to keep what other people tell me confidential, however. I think that might fall under the ETA principle 'Integrity'. If I find that I have to tell someone else, I tell the dog. She knows a lot of stuff about a lot of people. If she ever learns to talk, there might be trouble. As it stands now, she thinks anyone that pets her is wonderful no matter what's happened in the past. She really knows how to live in the moment!

Step 5 isn't about judging, it's about getting rid of the moldy, musty things that have been pushed into a dark corner and airing out our souls. It's about keeping the area clear. It's about preparing a space inside that will be ready for the old HP to use to His purpose.

Have a good and sober day.