obedience

I suffer from a disease that is flagged: cunning, baffling, powerful.  Millions of people all over the world have suffered the same disease and a chosen few are able to stay clean and sober.  I do so by attending a 12 step recovery program Every Thing Anonymous,  aka ETA.  "Most chronic alcoholics are doomed" is written in our recovery literature and I know this to be true.  Some alcoholics get sobriety and lose it.  Of those lucky enough to make it back into ETA their stories are almost always the same.  They quit the simple daily actions that must be done in order to stay clean and sober.  They quit praying every day, they quit going to meetings, they quit working/living the steps, they quit calling their sponsor and they quit working with other alcoholics. And then they pick up a drink/drug again.

Such tragedy occurs over and over.  Those who remain in ETA see it repeatedly.  We know this and yet fail to heed the lesson.  People with a zillion years in ETA slack off doing these things and viola! They are drunk/stoned.  Why does this happen?  I think it's an easy trap to fall into even knowing the danger.  I know because I've fallen into it myself.  I didn't pick up or relapse, or slip or whatever you call it but I did let life get in the way and stopped doing what I know helps keep me sober.  How could I do such a thing??  Beats the shit out of me.

Being sick for a few months, I've been to see a doctor a time or two.  One of them suggested some medication that has the potential of addiction and I thought, 'hmm... perhaps I should try that.'  Did that boot me out of dangerous behavior?  That would be a no.  I started to forget to pray every day.  Did that capture my attention?  Uh, no.  The loosening of my spiritual connection never got on the radar.  Meeting attendance was cut back because Hey, I'm busy and I don't feel well!  Using dreams began to to surface and didn't even scare me.  I forgot to make sure I called my sponsor frequently, though I still sponsor people who have to call everyday.  This is probably what saved my ass.

Occasionally I thought about writing a post for the blog but I'd think: 'I'll do it later.'  I now know that means 'I'm not going to do it.'  Finally the old HP got through to me by relentless badgering.  I've no idea how long this has been banging against my skull but at least long enough to stop, put my hand to my ear and say: 'Hark!  I believe I might have heard something.  Is anyone there?'


"Yes! As a matter of fact there is.  Get your focus back onto recovery, and I mean Right Now, or you're gonna be in a world of hurt!" 'Sir, yes, Sir!'

Have a good and sober day.