Analyyyzer

\ANAL-why?why?why?-zer\
noun
Meaning

: an adult that consistently responds to any statement or explanation by asking, "But, why?"; one who convinces him/herself that they are looking for information when in reality they want to stay focused on the problem; a major irritant to sponsors

This is a word that I coined to describe some of the people that I sponsor. They are the ones that consider themselves full of insight and vast intellectual accomplishment. They are usually impressed with their philosophical abilities. I usually find them to be anal-retentive and procrastinators. As quickly as possible, I clamp down on this nauseating tendency. The first (well, let's be honest, practically every) time they ask me, "Why?", I say something like this:

"Who gives a hoot?" I just love saying this to them; the look on their face is priceless. I have to force myself to not laugh out loud. They are aghast at the irreverence I show the guru of Ultimate Understanding and Self Actualization. They wonder if I could possibly be serious because they believe that knowing 'why' is some magical elixir for fixing the problem. I believe it is a trick used to avoid dealing with the real issue.

I then direct their attention to the floor and point out that there is dirt on it, which they can plainly see. "Do you know why there is dirt on the floor?" I ask innocently. They give me a reason like someone spilled their coffee or tracked in the dirt from outside or whatever. It doesn't matter what reasoning they spout because I reply the same to each answer. "Okay. Is the floor clean now?"

Puzzled, but leery of stepping into some sort of trap, they acknowledge that the floor is still dirty. "How can that be?" I ask, looking the very picture of confusion. "We know why it's dirty and that knowledge didn't change anything?" At this point, they narrow their eyes and gift me with an expression of malevolence (hatred). "Exactly." I chirp in a bright, happy voice. "Knowing 'why' isn't important. Knowing 'why' has no positive effect on the situation and doesn't improve anything. It is a complete waste of time, so let's start working on the solution, shall we?"

In the event that they ever ask 'why?' again, I simply look them dead in the eye and ask, "Do you really want to go there?" They never do. However, I'm currently working the steps of the recovery program ETA with 2 analyyyzers and I'm so charmed by their dedication and loyalty to the guru of Ultimate Understanding and Self Actualization that I'm making Mondays on the blog Analyyyzer Day and will share some of my experience with this type of person. One of the gals I'm working with, Barbie, is a die hard analyyyzer (that has learned to laugh at herself) and wants to submit some of her own experiences, too.

Feel free to submit your experiences in working with an analyyyzer, or if you are one yourself, to our email: sobernotsomber@gmail.com We'll confuse the facts so nobody is recognizable and post them on a Monday in the future.

Have a good and sober day.