The Last Five Minutes

A woman that I met in the recovery program ETA, Barbie, told me about a lead she heard recently. A lead is an ETA meeting where one person tells their story of addiction; what life was like for them in active addiction, what happened to bring them into recovery and what life is like now that they are clean and sober. Barbie couldn't remember very much of the speaker's story but one point has stuck in her mind ever since.

The speaker, Midge, said, "None of us know which five minutes of life will be our last five minutes. So I ask myself, do I want to be crabby for the last five minutes of my life?" Midge went on to say that she uses this question to change her mind or attitude whenever necessary. What a great idea!

In recovery we often say, and hear, that we can start our day over anytime we wish. I have done that many times and, most of the time, it works. But every once in a while remnants of the earlier aggravation creep in and I can't abolish them completely. Asking myself if this is how I want to spend my last five minutes puts a definite end to the previous negativity. When my earlier irritation resurfaces, I can refuse to indulge.

As an alcoholic, I have a built in "You can't make me!" reaction to being told what to do. I have an even stronger response to being manipulated. Looking at negative thoughts trying to sneak back in and ruin my day (again, still, whatever) pushes both of these buttons: "My thinking is trying to trick me into doing what I don't want to do!", I tell myself. "Mayday! Mayday! Dig your heels in! Refuse to budge! Show 'em who is really boss!" I toss the negativity out on it's........ ear, and then resolutely turn my thoughts over to congratulating myself for such an impressive example of decisive, thorough obstinacy.

I just love turning defects into assets, don't you?

Have a good and sober day.