Get Out Of Yourself

For as long as I have been in recovery from substance abuse; from first deciding to work the recovery program ETA, I have heard the phrase: Get out of yourself. I think it's related to a sentence in the big book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" which says that nothing will ensure immunity from drinking more than working intensely with another alcoholic. It means that I should quit focusing on my own problems and help someone else with their problems so that both of us stay sober. However, I am an alcoholic of the type who thinks 'if some is good, more is better!', so I also think getting out of yourself is also a way for me to handle emotions.

ETA is a program of action, not reaction. For me, reaction is an uncontrolled response to a situation. Action is a thought out way of finding a solution to a problem or an event. I knew how to react before I got sober. I don't need any help with that. Intense emotions can build up inside of me making it difficult for me to fit comfortably in my own skin. Plus, dealing with emotions has never been one of my strong suits. I tend to react to them. Taking action involves some effort on my part but, when I'm filled up with emotion, how do I get to the peace that makes action possible?

I was working with a friend in recovery, Barbie, who had experienced a death in the family the day before. She was, understandably upset and emotional. Barbie called and asked me to help her identify what she was feeling and to ask how to deal with the feelings. She had picked up some cement blocks (which were still in her truck) when her sister called with the news and what should she do about that? An idea popped into my head that I passed on to her.

I told her to take the blocks from her truck to her porch one at a time. "As you move each block, assign an emotion to it. The first block is sadness. As you carry the block from the truck, you will be moving sadness out of you and when you set it down, you are giving the sadness to the old HP." (This idea had to have come from the old HP Himself. I don't know anyone else clever enough to think up a solution like this!) Together, Barbie and I identified an emotion for each of the blocks and she was able to get the intense emotions out of herself.

This exercise did not remove all of Barbie's feelings about losing a loved one. Instead the intensity was diminished to a much more manageable level. The amount of emotion left was able to fit inside her skin right along with her. Not necessarily comfortable, but there was some wiggle room and room to breathe.

To this day, I use this concept for emotions that become too big for me. When I get angry, I get it out of myself by venting to a trusted friend or my sponsor - sometimes I stomp soda cans flat to get the excess emotion out. When I'm hurt, I cry or go swing at a playground. To get a swing going takes energy and I picture the wind soothing my hurt, both of which brings the hurt to a more manageable level so that I can deal with it sanely.

Getting out of yourself is what helps me stay sober and when I stay sober, I can be there for another alcoholic that is trying to stay sober, too. Being of maximum use to the old HP and to my fellow man is what I'm shooting for each day. And if I'm too clouded by emotions, I'll miss my mark.

Have a good and sober day.