Hanging With The Old HP

I've known for a long time that, at some point, each person will fail me. Just as I know that, at some point, I will fail each person. The old HP won't ever fail you or me, nor will the recovery program ETA, and I take comfort in knowing that.

This past weekend I relearned the lesson about people failing me. I usually do okay with that when it is just one person but when it is four persons at one time it gets a little hard to swallow or to take in stride. So, what to do? Of course I'm going to explore my hurt feelings and I know from experience that I prefer to work it out with just my sponsor and the old HP. I did talk most of it out with my sponsor. Today, I'm going to be spending the day with the old HP.

Doing mindless tasks is a good way for me to meditate; sadly, routine household chores are the most mindless tasks that I know of. My hands will be busy and my ears will be open. Plus the house will look good when I'm done. I've already spent some time on my knees in prayer. Once I finish this post, it will be time to listen: a huge challenge for someone who likes to talk as much as I do! Truthfully, I'm rather looking forward to spending the day with the old HP. Lately I have been 'distracted by worldly clamors' and have felt the distance from Him. This will close that gap between us.

I picture it like this: The old HP has dropped a line into the turbulent sea of my life. I have the hook in my mouth and am thrashing about. The old HP reels the line in a bit and lets me struggle with self will (not self will run riot because the connection to the old HP is still intact), perhaps letting a little of the line out before reeling me in closer. We can play this game as long as I want. The old HP is sitting comfortably on a boat, soaking up the sun, enjoying the view while holding the fishing pole; I'm the one struggling. Today is the day that I give up and let Him bring me in. He will catch me in His net of safety and bring me back to Him. And it is there, snuggled up to the Greatest Power, that my bumps and bruises will heal. While resting in the comfort of His love I will recharge my wounded soul and let Him show me the truth of what has been going on these past few weeks. I am alcoholic. I often have trouble seeing things as they truly are.

During this healing day, I will most likely re-learn that gossip, dishonesty and inconsideration of others will always be realities of life. Once I regain a healthy spirit the old HP will have me, a flawed human being, join the rest of the world, flawed human beings, and try again to do His will for me. But first, I have some chores I have to do.

Have a good and sober day.