Anniversary

This past weekend marked the twelfth year of sobriety for me. I have been clean and sober for 12 whole years! I am stunned that I have stayed sober this long. There were times that I couldn't wait 12 minutes between drinks. So today I thought I'd write a bit about what I've learned about sobriety.

Life does not stop happening because I'm sober. Relationships still become tangled, primarily through miscommunication and my being inconsiderate of others. I still get my feelings hurt. People still don't do what I think they should when I think they should do them. I still don't get everything I pray for. Doing the next right thing does not always make me feel warm and fuzzy, either.

The difference is that, because I maintain a spiritual connection with the old HP on a daily basis and work the 12 steps of the recovery program ETA, I have a chance to untangle misunderstandings so my relationships strengthen rather than wither away. Because I try to live the 12 steps (after working them with a sponsor) I know how to apologize for being inconsiderate and make amends. I also know that making amends and apologizing are not the same thing.

When someone hurts me, I now have the ability to forgive others and to take into account the positives of being friends with someone. No longer do I have to bad-mouth, back-stab and/or terminate all further contact with someone over it. I might choose to step back from someone who hurts me, but that would be one of several options, not the only option and character assignation isn't included in the process.

Amazingly, those who do not seek my advice for everything still exist. I marvel that they are able to function without my input and are even (sometimes) successful in their endeavors. However, I no longer lose sleep over it. Nor do I make sure I'm present to say "Told you so!" if they are not successful. I've learned that step 10 (Continued to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly admit it) has a part 2: and when we were right, kept our mouths shut.

The old HP doesn't give me all that I ask for but I no longer believe it's because He hates me. Instead, I've come to realize that it's because He loves me. Some of the things I've asked for would have caused a tremendous amount of harm to me and/or others. I still offer Him my opinions and suggestions on just about everything, just as He still disregards them for the most part, but I no longer believe He isn't paying attention to my prayers. I now believe that He wants to hear my ideas and listens to what I have to say but knows what is best for me and the rest of the world and gives me what I need, not what I want.

Doing the next right thing is often difficult and uncomfortable for me. There are times that I'd rather not have integrity at the moment. Sometimes I wish that somebody else would tackle the hard decisions for me, or at least take their turn! Sometimes I still want to whine and say, "How come they (whoever 'they' is) don't have to do the next right thing? Why do I always have to?" And the old HP reminds me that, when I look in the mirror, I see only my reflection of me and I must be able to be at peace with what I see there. He also reminds me that He will be with me as I go about trying to do His will, rather than my own.

Sobriety is not easy, but it has certainly been worth the effort. I paid a very high price for my seat in the rooms of recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction, but I wasn't overcharged. I've worked hard to get where I'm at today, but I didn't have to do it alone. For twelve years I've had unlimited, immeasurable help from all those in recovery and the old HP. I couldn't have done it without you.

Have a good and sober day.