It's All My Fault

Lately, it seems I've been talking to a lot of people who are flawed. Can you imagine? Human beings that make mistakes, can't be or do everything? They run themselves down about every little thing that might not have been done perfectly. I'm a big fan of taking responsibility for ones own actions. Indeed, the recovery program ETA requires daily self examination, admission of fault and righting our wrongs. I've read quite a few pieces of recovery literature that promote this philosophy. Never have I read where I am supposed to search through a problem until I find out why I'm the only one at fault.

When I got into recovery, I had already mastered the ability to tell my self why, how, when, etc. I was the scum of the earth. I didn't need any help with that. I still don't. What recovery has taught me is to look at myself honestly and ask the old HP to help me become a better person. Perfection has never been the goal.

Yet so far this week, I've talked to a single parent, Barbie, who works 12 hours a day, has a home to keep up, has a pigeon as well as her own sobriety to attend to (not to mention the kid), and feels lazy because she doesn't do enough service work. (She knows that sloth is one of her shortcomings.) Get a grip! I listened to this for about 5 minutes and told her to get out a piece of paper so we could determine how she wastes all of her free time when she 'should' be doing service work. Barbie has time for service work every night from 9 p.m. until 11 p.m., but only if she leaves her 3 year old home alone while the kid is asleep, which is illegal in this country.

The next example is just as good. Midge, a woman with a seriously ill partner, is executor for her mother's estate. There is an attorney handling all the court/legal stuff but Midge has to deal with the whiny heirs. Her partner needed to go to a distant hospital for treatment and Midge went along for support. They were out of town for 6 weeks. (Some of the heirs considered this a vacation.) Anyway, a document relating to the mother's estate wasn't filed with the court on time (yoo hoo! Attorney? Isn't this what you are being payed to do?) Midge tells me that perhaps she is too scatterbrained to be executor.

Now we have Trixie. She is rather new to recovery so I'm willing to cut her a bit of slack. That only goes so far. While Trixie was still boozing and using, her cousin would follow Trixie around documenting where, with whom and how much she drank and then report back to the family. This went on for months. Believe it or not, this caused a strain on their relationship and an argument ensued. (I'd probably have punched the cousin's lights out, but that is neither here nor there.) Trixie tells me that she is dreading the amends steps, 8 and 9, because she doesn't want to apologize to the cousin. When asked why she felt she needed to make amends, Trixie said she yelled at her cousin. I figure the cousin got off easy.

Do Barbie, Midge and Trixie have a part in each situation? Yes. And there probably has to be some work done with each of them. But this tendency to take all the blame is ludicrous. It's just another sick way to practice 'It's all about me'.

Have a good and sober day.