Step 2

Yeah, I know it's March and I'll do step 3 later in the month. Daily clamors have kept me occupied for the past few weeks and I really want to write on step 2. I asked everyone involved with this blog if it was okay to play a little "catch-up", and the answer was, "Yes, that will be fine." so here we are. Step 2 states:

Came to believe that the old HP could restore me to sanity.

Sounds great doesn't it? I know that the first time I worked step 2 I didn't believe I was not sane but my sponsor wanted me to say so, so I did. It wasn't until I was sponsoring others that I realized most alcoholics and drug addicts, myself included, had no clear understanding of what sanity means. We have a vague, nebulous grasp of the concept of sanity but that's about it. Seriously! Ask one of us what sanity means and, chances are, we'll tell you what it is not, but most of us can't tell you what it is.

Armed with this lack of knowledge, we go ahead and ask the old HP to restore us to something we won't even recognize when we get there! Are we fun or what? I don't know about you but, after completing the above process, I would blame the old HP if I wasn't at complete peace with whatever I had consulted Him about in the first place. He had to be laughing His head off at this. Either that or calling for one of His angels to bring Him my file to so He can verify that I do have a brain even if I wasn't using it.

There are many definitions of sanity for each one of us. Most of my definitions reflect a defect of my character. For example: I tend to over or under react to situations. Here are a couple of definitions of sanity for me:

Sanity is putting the appropriate amount of emotion to any given situation.

If I make a mistake, chances are that the world will survive, others will still speak to me and nothing will be unable to be repaired. I can drive myself crazy blowing things out of proportion. On the other hand, if someone hurts my feelings, I can spend hours and hours telling myself it's no big deal, that it doesn't matter, etc., when it does matter and it is a big deal for me. When I talk things over with the old HP I gain the proper perspective.

Sanity is knowing it is impossible to make everyone happy in all situations.

Trying to make sure everybody is happy with whatever is happening is another way for me to drive myself crazy. When I go there, it usually ends up with nobody being happy and I'm so frustrated by the situation I start yelling at all parties involved. Then I have to make amends! And THEY started it! If I check in with the old HP when I find myself getting agitated I can avoid the whole thing.

Sanity is knowing that everyone has their own truths and their own abilities.

Just because something is true for me (I am comfortable in this particular meeting.) does not mean it is true for everyone. Just because something is easy for me (public speaking or giving a lead) does not mean it is easy for everyone. I have caused a lot of heartache by disregarding these things. When I'm tempted to tell someone "Oh, get over it! All you have to do is...", I ask the old HP to remind me how harmful these words can be.

These are some definitions of sanity that work for me. Other people have different definitions that work for them. The important thing is knowing what sanity means for you, for yourself.

Have a good and sober day.