Step Eleven

The Eleventh Step Prayer (AKA Prayer of Saint Francis) tells of the ideal (for me) human attitude. I aspire to attain the characteristics outlined in these beautiful words. Fantasies of my behavior reflecting these words run in my head. I would never lose my temper.  I'd be of maximum service to my fellow man every hour of every day.  The relationship with the old HP would be one of incredible closeness. Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

It's gonna take a lot of work. That's why it's one of my fantasies. My quest for this attainment got off to a very slow start: backwards. It went like this.

One of the lines in the Eleventh Step Prayer is, "That where there is error, let me bring truth." Those are the words they say; what I heard was, "Put on your Nancy Drew outfit and go out hunting for lies and the people that tell them. The moment you spy an error, in some one's words or actions, jump on it and yell, 'That is an error! Let me bring truth!' or something like that." I knew that I was qualified for this task.

Filled with a heretofore unknown zeal, I went to work immediately. (I nowtofore know this type of zeal is a warning that I'm about to act really stupidly.) My focus at meetings was amazingly improved. My hearing ability became as sharp as a dog's. For the first time in my recovery (about 18 months) my memory got better, too. Obviously doing work for the old HP was very invigorating.

My Nancy Drew outfit stayed on 24/7. I wore it everywhere I went: meetings, home, the grocery, at night. I never took it off. I hunted lies and liars with a vengeance. After a week or so, I think my Nancy Drew outfit started to smell or something because my sponsor called me and told me to meet her at a meeting that very night. This rarely happens, the rule is that I call her. I was excited to share my progress with her.

She was anxious to share something with me, too. We started reading the 11th Step Prayer together. Again. We got to the error vs truth line and my excitement bubbled over. I started telling her all about my experiences. She interrupted me! Then she told me to shut up; I didn't know anything about the message of the prayer. I was shocked and didn't have a clue what she was talking about.

"All of the ideals contained in this prayer are for you to apply to yourself, NOT everybody else!" I told her the prayer didn't say so. "Quit looking at the words and you will discover the meaning behind them! You won't discover the depth of anything by only looking at the surface! That is why you are driving everybody crazy with your concept of this prayer. In the recovery program ETA we work on ourselves, not on others!" Oh. I think I'd heard that before somewhere.

I would like to tell you that I threw my Nancy Drew outfit away but I did not. I did take it off and launder it, but I've put it back on a time or two since this situation. Apparently I like to hunt for clues in many situations. I can be literal minded, too, when I only look at the surface of things.



This was originally posted about a year and a half ago.  I liked the message so much I posted it again.  Hope you enjoy it, too.


Have a good and sober day.